


Burden

by aebirdie



Series: Puzzle Pieces [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Crying, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Langst, M/M, PTSD, Psychological Torture, Screw Happy Endings, Torture, klangst, lance writes in a journal about keith, minor fluff, sort of smut, tagged crying b/c cried three times while writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-09-25 17:28:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9834491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aebirdie/pseuds/aebirdie
Summary: Lance sacrifices himself during a battle to save Keith, and the team has to rescue him before it's too late.





	1. Two Go In, One Comes Out

Neglected(adj)-suffering a lack of proper care, not receiving proper attention, disregarded. 

Example sentences:

1. _Linda's friends neglected to tell her they were going to the mall, and now she's locked up in her room listening to_ Taylor Swift's _second album on repeat._

2. _Since their parents neglected them, the boys had to fend for themselves and were relieved when social services took them to a new family._

3. _The blue paladin felt neglected by his teammates._

4. _The other paladins didn't mean to leave the blue paladin out, but he was neglected anyways._

Lance had begun to pick up on certain signs after he described his feelings to Google. Google had given him articles about how to fix his neglectful relationships, but Lance wasn't even in a relationship. But the signs did apply to his fellow paladins, and Allura, too. He felt like it was only Coran who appreciated him, and that was half because he always offered to clean the healing pods with him. And he couldn't talk to Coran about it, because without fail, Coran reported everything to the princess, and part of Lance's issue was with the princess. So he wrote them down instead, in a weathered journal that had appeared in his room one day. On the inside cover, it read "The Blue Paladin" and there was a sketch of Blue above it. When he had first opened it, it was filled with entries, but after he'd read them all, the entries had disappeared and the journal wrote to him. He confided with it about his insecurities, and it didn't try to comfort him, but it pointed out his strengths in battle. It drew goofy little comics labeled "Lance the Sharpshooter" and it drew realistic pictures, too. Lance and his mom, his sisters and brothers, his abulea. The journal made him laugh and cry and do everything in between.

Then one day Keith walked in on him writing to his journal, and he stowed it under the bed so that no one could see. He and the journal had been talking about Keith, about his stupid mullet and the pretty eyes, especially, but Keith had managed to ruin it. And now Lance only took the journal out late at night, where no one could see him whispering excitedly to it and grinning like a madman. 

And then there was the worst day of Lance's life.

*  
"What is that?" Lance asked. The dome was clear against the blue planet they were fighting the Galra on, and Keith was banging his fists on the sides, his voice harsh and screechy over the comms. Red was flying around the dome like a mother hen protecting her chick. Lance's heart tightened up. The replies were static, but he could pick out Allura's voice.

"One goes in....to come out....someone...replace him," she told them, and he could practically hear the expression on her face. Lance piloted Blue down to the planet's surface, weaving between purple blast, all aimed for him. Once Blue landed on the rocky surface, stood up and out of the captain's chair. He held his helmet in his hands so that the other paladins wouldn't hear what he was about to say.

"Blue, I'll be back, alright?" He assured her, but she wouldn't let him out. "Fly back to the castle, okay? I'll catch a ride." Blue purred softly, and her jaws finally opened up, letting Lance out. He placed his helmet back on and winced. His teammates voices sounded broken over the loss of Keith. He watched Blue fly to her landing port for a few precious seconds, and then he sprinted to the dome.

"Look! Look!" Pidge shrieked. "Someone's rescuing Keith!"

"Are they from the Blade of Marmora, do you think?" Hunk asked. He sounded as excited as a little kid on Christmas.

"I'm flying closer," Pidge answered.

"Don't." Lance said. He didn't want her to see this. "I can see them. Blade of Marmora, yep, definitely." He could picture his friend narrowing her eyes in concentration at the ground, but the purple blasts were in her way, and she couldn't quite see him. He knew that the Red Lion could see him, but hopefully she was more focused on her pilot than on him. The dome was growing cloudier by the second. He approached the dome, placing his hands against the silhouette of Keith's. He reached further, and stuck his hand in, brushing against Keith's fingers, and they both shivered at the touch. His whole hand went in next, but it was slow-going. Keith took his hand then, and pulled him into the dome.

"Lance?" Keith looked flabbergasted. "What are you doing here?"

"Keith you need to hurry," Lance looked around. His suspicions were right, the dome was materializing back onto the Galra command ship.

"Hurry for what? Thanks to you, we're both trapped in here." Keith huffed. "You always screw up the mission."

"You aren't trapped, Keith," Lance said, and then he shoved Keith out just in time, and the next thing Lance knew, hands were grabbing him off the ground of a Galra ship, dragging him downstairs and throwing him into a cell. Lance's ribcage hit the ground with a sickening crack, and Lance imagined the soft look on Keith's face when he first dragged Lance into the dome before the mean remark and the snarl. And then he remembers the open journal on his hastily made ban, the secrets just lying there, and he groans.

Someone's going to find it, and it's full of drawings of his family and Keith and conversations about his family and Keith. It's filled to the brim with longing, with his most personal thoughts and his desires and insecurities and wants and needs and beliefs and dreams. It's full of whatever makes Lance human. It's his closest companion, and now Hunk or Pidge or Allura or _Keith_ will know. Then they all will know, and since Lance has the worst luck, the whole universe will know about his crush on Keith, and they'll pity him or whatever. Fancying that guy you always come second too, how sad. 

An absolute terror when the straight ones are, well, _straight._

It's even more worse when they figure out that you like them because you weren't careful, leaving a magical journal for anyone to see. And he doesn't even have his big brothers jacket to hide in. Eddie's(Eduardo, but no one called him that) jacket, that he stole just before leaving for the Garrison. And now he wouldn't get the chance to return it. Now Eddie would be mad at him, forever. Lance fumbled for his pockets, but his armor nor his helmet or bayard. In a secret pocket of his armor, he stashed pictures of his family so that he could see them right before battle and right after. And sometimes during, if someone wasn't busy yelling at him to pay attention. A Galra soldier marched past. Lance drummed his fingers against his thigh. He was wearing a black-and-purple jumpsuit that he didn't remember putting on. He drifted off to sleep, thinking about his siblings.

*  
Pidge was reenacting whatever cool move Shiro had done when Keith walked in. Shiro was standing next to the princess, and the tips of his ears were red. Keith pulled off his helmet slowly. 

"Hey, Keith!" Hunk gestured him over. "You were really brave during the battle."

"Thanks, Hunk," Keith scuffed his shoes on the pristine floor. He wanted to run to the training room and tear off the droids faces. He wanted to kill Zarkon, bury him, then piss on his grave everyday. He wanted to scream into the void. He wanted to find Lance.

"Where's Lance?" Pidge adjusted her glasses.

"Is he in the showers?" Allura suggested. "The Blue Lion came back first. During the battle, which was unusual, to say the least."

"Did you see him?" Shiro asked Keith.

"H-h-he's, uh," Keith stammered, blinking away tears. "He's not here."

"That isn't funny," Allura bit her lip, not letting the bad feeling in her stomach and the look on Keith's face get to her. "Don't play along with his little jokes, Keith."

"It's not a joke," Keith faltered. "You said it yourself. Two go in, one comes out." 

Allura furrowed her eyebrows. "But-"

"It wasn't the Blade of Marmora. Lance is gone."

Pidge burst into tears.


	2. Maybe There's No Happy Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter isn't as long as I'd like it to be, but I wanted to get it posted today

Torture(2)

1.(v)the action or practice of inflicting severe pain on someone as a punishment or to force them to do or say something, or for the pleasure of the person inflicting the pain.

2.(n)inflict severe pain on

Example Sentences:

1. _Most of the victims had been brutally tortured and are now in therapy._

2. _The terrorists tortured government agents in order to get classified information._

3. _Last night, the Galra guards promised Lance that today was the day that Haggar would torture him._

4. _Lance wondered what kind of torture methods the witch would use on him._

Lance wondered if he would survive. And why Haggar decided that she would pay special attention to him. And if there were any more cookies back on the castle-ship. Pidge always ate too many, and he had to remind her to slow down around her seventh cookie. Who would remind her when Lance wasn't there? Who would taste test food for Hunk? Who would train with Keith? Who would tease Allura and Shiro? Who would take care of Blue?

Pidge would taste test food. Shiro would train with Keith. Hunk would be Pidge's anchor. And Lance knew that Shiro and Allura were tired of his teasing, and were probably grateful for the break. Blue....well, her new pilot would take care of her. Lance's replacement. Lance was certain they had already found a new pilot for Blue.

She deserved a better paladin then he could ever be. Hell, Voltron deserved a better blue paladin then he could ever be. They all deserved more than he could ever give. He tried, he really did, but it wasn't enough. Lance knew that his best would never be enough.

And he'd accepted it, and tried to move on. And now he wouldn't be there to screw up the missions.

He sort of hoped that they were relieved he was gone.

Galra guards opened his cell door, and Lance eyed the chain they were holding warily. He shuffled towards the corner of his cell, always facing them, always ready for the next kick or slap. _Don't show fear don't show fear don't show fear._

"Don't fight back, Paladin scum," the guard said. He wasn't a drone like the other two, but a captain of some sort. "Or we'll send you right down to the arena to fight out new pet. Don't want that, do you?"

Lance grinned cheekily. "My friends are coming for me, _Galra scum._ " And with every fiber of his being, he wish that he fully believed it. 

"They'll never find you, Blue Paladin," the captain said. "They'll stop caring about you in a week or two. We have plans for a big attack, and they'll be scrambling to replace you." Lance struggled to not widen his eyes.

_Don't show fear don't show fear don't show fear._

One of the droids moved to put the shackles onto Lance's wrists and ankles. He struggled against the it, but the other one clonked him over the head, and he lost consciousness.

*  
Keith was worried about Pidge. Of course, Lance's kidnapping had affected Hunk the worst, and the poor guy was stress-making muffins and then saving them for a certain blue paladin. Allura had been swiping at her eyes all day, and Shiro was camped next to Blue and Black, like he was going to protect the lions by himself. Coran had been muttering to himself and twisting his mustache so hard that some of the hairs were falling out. And Keith? Well first, he laid down in his bed and stared at the ceiling, wondering why he had let Lance sacrifice himself. Then his ripped a training droid's head off. But he was concerned about Pidge the most.

Pidge had been in front of her computer screens for a full night and day. Her glasses were constantly slipping off her nose, and the other paladins checked up on her periodically to make sure she was eating. The pancakes(green, but still good) that Hunk had made were untouched, the orange syrup crystallizing onto the plate. Papers were scattered on the floor, and Post-Its surrounded all five computers. Keith and Hunk had added their own Post-Its next to hers, things that said _drink water soon_ or _take a five minute break._

Keith wondered when she was going to bring out a giant bulletin board-like they do on old CSI and FBI shows-and connect pictures of Galra ships and Lance with red pieces of string. He wondered if they would all sit around and dissect a Galra prison ship to try to find out where Lance is.

He wondered if they would find Lance.

Or if it would be too late.

He wondered if he would ever have the chance to tell Lance that he liked him. That Keith Kogane liked Lance McClain. Not a _hey, one-sided rival, I consider you one of my best friends,_ a _I have a crush on you like a thirteen-year-old girl fawning over celebs with her friends kind of way._

He loved Lance.

That Keith Kogane was falling in love with Lance McClain. Was falling almost in love. That he harbored feelings for years, since their first days at the Garrison. That in his own Keith Kogane way, he was on brink of falling in love with Lance McClain.

And now Lance was in a Galra prison ship, not just any ship, the main Galra ship. The one with Zarkon and Haggar and things Shiro goes quiet about when they talk about the prison ships. When aliens ask about the scar over his nose, he gets shaky and quiet and now, possibly right now, those things could be happening to Lance.

And right now, Pidge was losing sleep over her worry.

Right now, Hunk was baking for his best friend in the hopes that they find him.

Right now, Shiro was near the lions and comforting Blue.

Right now, Coran had just waken from a quick nap, and was looking for Lance, his favorite paladin. And right now, he was crying, because Lance was gone.

Right now, Allura was sobbing in her bedroom, clutching Lance's shoes, which he always left lying around. She had always whined when he left them behind corners for other paladins to potentially trip on, and now she just wanted him back.

Right now, Keith was terrified.

Maybe he wouldn't get the happy ending he thought he deserved.

*  
Lance woke up strapped to a chair. It wasn't a nice chair, but it was built into the ground so that he couldn't lean back and tip himself over. The restraints were a tight leather that stung his wrists and the ankle skin hidden under his prison jumpsuit. There wasn't anyone else in the room, but he did notice a drain a couple measures away from his bare feet, and a rope hanging above it. Faint growls echoed throughout the room from the drain. It made him shiver, half of fright, half from the cold temperature of the big chamber. From what he could tell, the room was shaped like a sideways P with the half circle colored in. He was in the half circle, and there was a corner leading to a hallway that he could barely make out in the dark. 

Footsteps sounded from the hallway, and Lance wanted to shrink back and hide in his hideous prison jumper.

_Don't show fear don't show fear don't show fear._

Haggar walked out of his blind spot and turned on the light, and Lance's eyes scrunched up to adjust to the light. From what he was barely seeing in the dark, just the drain and the rope and the sideways P shape of the room, this almost made him gasp. It was defiantly a torture chamber. More than one rope hung from the far-away ceiling, and on the ends of those ropes were leather restraints not unlike the ones biting into his skin at the moment. Along the walls of the big half-circle room were rusty racks that held wicked knives and razor-edged swords and other things that Lance didn't want to think about being used on him. The captainfrom his cell walked in after Haggar. Lances muscles tightened at the sight of him.

_Don't show fear don't show fear don't show fear._

The thing in the drain made a pleased sound when they approached Lance. Haggars lips curled into a sort-of smile.

_Don't show fear don't show fear don't show fear._

Lance tried not to flinch under the captains gaze as he stepped closer to Lance's chair. Lance stared at the floor instead. Darker brown stains were all over the lighter brown floor. Not just stains. Bloodstains.

_Don't show fear don't show fear don't show fear._

The captain picked up one of the knives from the rusty rack. Rusty from time, or from spilled blood? The knife wasn't rusty itself, it was sharp and clean and around six inches. 

"Do you hear my new pet?" Haggar smirked.

Lance opted out of speaking.

"Does someone not want to speak?" The captain snarled. "Or are you being polite? Is it because we havent been introduced?"

Lance didn't speak.

The captain and Haggar glanced at each other, silently communicating through sneers and furrowed brows. He nodded twice to her before he turned back to Lance.

_Don't show fear don't show fear don't show fear._

The captain threaded the knife through his fingers. "Hello, Lance. I'm Captain Colrin." Colrin said. "I'll be taking care of you until Zarkon gets back. He would like to personally take care of you himself." 

Lance shifted a little in his seat. "You know who you remind me of?" Lance raised his eyebrow. "An ex girlfriend. She has a thing about leather restraints too. Wasn't really into it." He watched the silver knife dance in Colrin's fingers.

"I think we'll start with the ribs." Haggar commanded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated:)


	3. Bloody Roses and Million Word Smiles

Yearn(2)

1.(v)to have an earnest or strong desire; long

2.to feel tenderness; be moved or attracted

Example Sentences:

1. _Love was yearned for, but never given to her freely._

2. _Marie yearned for new shoes._

3. _Keith yearned for Lance._

4. _Lance yearned for Keith._

Lance's smile reminded Keith of home. The stars winked at them as they danced in the candlelit room, matching the soft melody with their footsteps. Lance and Keith were both wearing their normal clothes, but Lance's were covered in roses, red roses. They were entangled and intertwined with the ratty old jacket that said "Eddie McClain" on the tag instead of "Lance" but Keith didn't ask. He just enjoyed the feeling and the smile of home, although Keith never really had a home, he just had Lance. He had a person for a home instead of a little house on Elm or Maple Street.

Lance's face scrunched up in pain.

"Is everything alright?" Keith asked worriedly. Did he not want to be here, dancing with Keith? Was he sick from whatever they had for dinner? Did they have dinner?

"Just enjoying a nice date with my boyfriend," Lance smiled softly. It was his home smile, the smile that played with Keith's heartstrings and reminded him of snorkeling. It was a secret between sweethearts. It was the family dinner, and Keith craved it. He craved everything about Lance. He craved the home he had found withing his hands and his quick remarks and when their shoulders brushing against each other and the reminder of _you are not alone_. It was reliable, and trustworthy. It was a million words packed behind a single smile.

They danced around the room, avoiding the white furniture. The candle light flickered warmly, highlighting Lance's cheekbones and skin. 

"Do you love me?" Lance asked.

"Of course," Keith kissed the bridge of Lance's nose as they swayed around the room. Blood trailed after Lance, but they were both too giddy to notice. 

"You could give me a proper kiss, you know," Lance laughed.

"A proper kiss?" Keith teased. "Are you sure that you're ready for a proper kiss?"

"Well, you have to build up to it," Lance said back. He kissed Keith's forehead.

"And how do you do that?" Keith teased. "You've already romanced me."

"Well, first, I would put my hands on your hips and pull you close, but not too close." Lance did just that. His fingers drummed on Keith's back and he grazed his fingers against Keith's shirt. "Then I would lean down and give you a soft kiss to start out with." They stared at each other for a few seconds after Lance had spoken.

"I suggest you do that," Keith whispered, and Lance bent down. Their lips met, and a rose thorn grazed against Keith's thigh, but he didn't mind. He had Lance with him. The kissed slow until both boys had to come up for air.

"What's next?" Keith grinned.

Instead of responding, Lance met Keith's lips again and the kiss was harder, deeper, faster. Soon Keith's jacket was off, and Lance was pulling at his shirt. In retaliation, Keith moved his hands under a few of the roses and began to life Lance's shirt. 

"No, Keith," Lance looked scared. "I don't want you to see."

"See what?" Keith asked.

"The roses," Lance whispered, and then he fell to the ground and into a pool of his own blood.

Roses were wriggling like maggots on Lance's body. Keith sat down in the blood next to Lance as he tried to find the source of the roses, Lance's heart.

"Why aren't you saving me?" Lance struggled to keep his eyes open. He smiled his million word smile, but now it was sad and confusing. Now it hurt Keith. "I thought you loved me."

"I do, I promise, I do," Keith cried. 

"Why was it me instead of you?" Lance closed his eyes and his heart stopped and bloody roses wrapped around Keith's wrists pulling him onto Lance's dead body. He wasn't warm. 

*  
Keith woke up sweating and there were a few tears running tracts down his cheeks. There was a glass of water by his bed. He considered drowning himself in it.

*  
Lance's bed was comfier than Keith's. There were more pillows and an actual comforter compared to the threadbare blanket Keith had in his own room. He had to move some open book away before he crawled into the bed, and into the sheets that smelled like _Lance, Lance, Lance._

Keith rolled onto his side. The only way that he couldn't see Lance's body, covered in roses, was when he had his eyes open. He stared at the ceiling for a while, and then Lance's table lamp turned on automatically. Keith nearly jumped out of the bed.He could see Lance's jacket hanging on the back of a chair, and the book he had moved off of the bed wasn't a fantasy adventure like he had expected, but a journal. A regular old journal with a cracked spine. A regular journal that was lying wide open.

Keith picked it up. The journal snapped shut onto his fingers, and he winced at the pain. Like it was sensing his discomfort, the journal opened so that Keith could take his fingers out. Then the front cover opened, and Keith watched words disappear off the page.

Man, did Alteans have weird journals.

_You are not my paladin._ Words scribbled onto the page.

Yeah. Keith wrote back to the journal with a pen he had slept on.

_You are the red paladin, yes?_

How'd you know?

_You write like fire._

Fire? I only wrote 'yeah'!

_This is what I'm talking about._ Keith groaned. _No groaning._ The journal commanded. 

As soon as he put the pen to the paper to retaliate, the journal had already responded. _No, I do not read minds._

Then how did you know I was groaning?

_I sense emotion. You were frustrated._

Cool.

_I know._

So the journal was sassy, just like it's owner.

Keith tapped the pen on his chin as he thought of hat to write next.

_How come you have stopped writing, red paladin?_

Sorry. I was just thinking of what I wanted to ask.

_When Lance first found me, he asked many questions._

Well, that's Lance for you.

_Do you belittle him?_

No! No, he's one of the best people I've ever met.

_Do you love him?_

I think so.

_How can you not be sure? It is love. There is no right or wrong answer._

At the beginning, you said 'my paladin'. Are you Blue? Keith wrote, quickly changing the conversation topic. Words began to fill up the rest of the page faster than Keith could read them.

_I am Blue and I am not, like I am Black and Red and Yellow and Green. The paladin who first bonds with their lion-not unlocks some special power, mind you-gets the journal. It houses some part of all of the past paladins. Since Lance connected with Blue before any of you got to your lions, the third part of my spirit resides in this journal to give Lance advice and to comfort him. If you're wondering, there are three parts to a Lion's spirit. There is the mechanism itself, then the actual immortal lions and the journal. Because Lance has the journal, he has brought together two of the three parts of my soul._

Where's the second part of your soul?

_I believe it to be on Earth, watching over Lance's family._

What happens if Lance brings together all three parts?

_No more questions, red paladin. Your team is waiting for you._

But-

_No. Go eat, or I will never write to you again._

Keith quickly left Lance's room, heading towards the kitchen. He heard the book snap shut as he stepped away.

*  
More than anything, Lance wanted a muffin. Not just any muffin, an apple crumble muffin his sisters, Juliana and Lira, make for Friday breakfasts. He did not like the mush they slid into his cell. He missed Eddie and Lira, the twins, picking fights about who had to drop off the younger siblings at school. He missed Allie's watercolor paintings that he hung up all over his room. Allie would be fifteen now. The twins, 23 in November. Did November pass already? And his baby sister, Clair, would be celebrating her twelfth birthday. Twelve is a big number. Juliana would graduate in June, go to college and go to that fancy med school she constantly talked about. And Charlie's opening the doggy daycare. And Anthony had just started high school. Who would help him with the advanced math homework? The math teacher didn't know how to teach. Anthony would be on his own. His heart ached to be with his family.

A guard opened his door. "Captain Colrin says that you've been very disobedient during your sessions. Get up, Earthen scrum."

"Could you give me a second before you torture me? I haven't finished my goop." Lance didn't move from his spot on the ground.

The guard kicked his tray. "I said, get up. Or we'll do the restraints."

"I'm coming, I'm coming." Lance offered his wrists. "We can still do the restraints if you want, baby." Another guard came into the cell and forced Lance's hands behind his back. The first guard shackled his feet, and the second cuffed his wrists.

"Oh, believe me, you'll be begging for the restraints after this." The guard snarled.

They marched down the hallway, not taking a left turn as usual, but a right instead. They stopped at a black door, and the second guard opened it by hand print. They marched into the room, the Lance was forced into one of the two chairs. There were metal clasps on the table for Lance's wrists. The guards unlocked the chains on his hands, and forced him into the shackles on the table. They left the room, leaving Lance it the interrogation room alone.

After a few minutes, the door opened again.

"That wasn't much of a punishment." Lance said, expecting the guards, but Haggar sat at the chair across from him.

"Oh, you silly, pathetic thing." She faked a smile. "My condolences for your parents, who have had to suffer through your stupidity before you left Earth." She pulled out a knife and a white chip with blue markings. _Altean_ markings. She moved bhind him and forced his head to point to the ground to that his neck was exposed.

"Now, paladin, I will insert this chip from my home planet into the veins in the back of your neck, where the blood flows to your head. You might see some things when I press this button." She took out a white button and pressed it. He could hear the faint whirl of the chip. "It will only stop when I press the button again." Haggar pressed it and the machinery noises stopped. "Don't worry, the chip won't fall out during your _sessions_." She began to cut into his neck. It was nothing compared to yesterday, where Colrin took a knife a cut jagged marks across Lance's ribs while Haggar criticized his work. He could feel her fingers moving around in his wound, and his breath became quicker. But she pulled her nasty fingers out of his neck and he breathed normally. 

"Now, you useless little boy, we'll get started." Haggar took her knife and brought it to the inside of his right wrist, which had conveniently been facing up. "What word should we carve today? Oh, I know. _Worthless._ " Before she started, she pressed the button, and Haggar became Shiro.

Shiro looked at Lance for a second before sneering. "We don't need you, Lance." He carved the W.

Shiro became Allura. "We can easily find a new paladin for Blue. A _better_ one." She carved the O.

Allura became Pidge. "It's illogical that we spend time trying to rescue you." Pidge adjusted her glasses and finished the R.

Pidge became Hunk. "I wish you had never found Blue." Lance sobbed as his best buddy crossed the T.

Hunk became his father. "You were my least favorite, Lance. With you, I had a queer for a son." His father sliced the H into his skin.

His father became his mom. "I wish I had aborted you," she whispered as she cut the L into his skin.

His mom became Anthony. "You left us, and now we don't need you." Anthony, his kid brother, carved the E into his wrist.

Anthony became Juliana. "We don't need you in our family, Lance." She hummed as she cut the first S.

Juliana became Keith. "Seventh wheel." Keith cut the last S, and Lance heard himself cry out as Keith walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> opinions on the definitions at the beginning of each chapter??? asking for a friend
> 
>  
> 
> disclaimer: i have yet to decide if there's going to be smut


	4. Looking For a Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so late guys

Find()

1.(v)to come upon by chance;meet with

2.(v)to locate, attain, or obtain by search or effort

3.(n)something found; a discovery, especially a valuable or gratifying one

Example Sentences:

1. _We can't find Mom's new earrings!_

2. _It seems as if moms have a special talent of finding things._

3. _Ever since Keith found the paladin journal, he hasn't put it down._

4. _Pidge hoped to find Lance through his bayard location._

Pidge was doing labs around the castle, holding papers with lines of numbers. Everyone watched her run back and forth, back and forth.

"I found it! Lance's bayard!" Pidge yelled. "Coran, Allura, I have the coordinates!" 

"Everyone, let's get suited up." Shiro ordered, but everyone could hear the smile in his voice. 

"C'mon, hurry up!" Hunk chartered excitedly. 

All of the paladins rushed to their rooms as Allura plugged in Lance's coordinates into the ship. Her fingers flew, plugging in the numbers at a world record speed. 

"Paladins," Allura announced over the comm. "I'm opening the wormhole now. We'll be going to the Galra prison ship soon."

Everyone could hear Hunk's cheers as they ran through the halls towards their lions. 

*  
Lance woke up on the cold floor of his cell. The word on his arm was scabbed over, but it was covered in dried blood so he could barely read it. _WORTHLESS_. He waited for the familiar footsteps of the guards walking the halls every morning. The metal food tray sliding into his cell. Four days, and he's already falling into a routine.

A routine in prison. It sounded like a bad sitcom.

A _very_ bad sitcom.

The food tray was roughly shoved into his little prison cell, his little corner of the fucked-up universe.

Guards marched past his door.

Lance hated the silence.

Everything was just

too

quiet.

*  
Pidge and Hunk were flying their lions in excited circles around the Castle of Lions. They had to wait, because they were still on the planet from the battle four days ago, and the engines had to be revved up. Shiro and Keith were watching their lions fly loops through the command deck's big windows.

"Hunk, Pidge, dock your lions. We'll need to save their strength for whatever we face at Lance's location," Allura said.

"Roger that!" Pidge grinned as she and the Green lion pulled into the castle, Yellow flying close behind. A few minutes later, they ran into the command deck, breathless.

"Is everyone ready?" Princess Allura asked. She looked around, and everyone was grinning. Everyone was ready to bring Lance home. She put her hands up to the ships controls, but didn't move.

"Princess?" Shiro asked. "Are you ready?"

"What if he thinks we abandoned him?" Allura whispered. She turned to face Shiro, tears sparkling in her eyes like diamonds. "What if they broke him?"

"He's too strong, Princess." Shiro said gently. "I promise. What they did to me...he'll suffer more than that. He's a paladin. They'll try to break him, but you know Lance, he doesn't budge. He's stronger than that. Stronger than I could ever be in that prison."

Allura swiped at her eyes. "Let's get going, then." The four paladins took their seats, and everyone was practically jumping off the walls with excitement. They had done it. Pidge had found Lance. Hunk has managed to make gummies that reminded everyone of Welshes Fruit Snacks, and Shiro had finally opened up about the Galra prison. Even if it was only for a second, and now he was more shut off than ever.

And Keith? Well, he couldn't wait to see Lance. He was also nervous, in a love-struck kind of way. What would he say to Lance? Would he be the first one to find him? Would they run into each others arms, like in a fairy-tale, happy ending way? Or would Lance ignore Keith? 

Keith knew that happy endings and himself didn't mix. He knew it all too well. 

"Open the wormhole, Coran," Allura said.

"The coordinates are close enough. We don't need a wormhole, Princess." Coran replied. "It would be unwise to drain your energy on such a small jump." _Close? It's been four days, and the Galra decided to stay close to them?_ Keith wondered.

"They're close to us?" Hunk asked, voicing Keith's thoughts. There were moments where Keith just _loved_ Hunk, and this was currently that time. Also, when Hunk started Taco Tuesdays. Keith would always be grateful for Taco Tuesdays.

"I thought that was weird too." Pidge's eyebrows furrowed. "Maybe they were waiting for us to make the first move?"

"That's unlike the Galra." Allura pointed out. "Everyone, prepare for an ambush. They may have planned this to get the Black Lion for Zarkon."

"Approaching the location in five minutes, Princess," Coran interrupted. "It appears that Lance is on a planet. We've just entered their solar system."

"Small solar system," Keith noted.

"Landing in three," Coran said. 

"I did a bio-scan. The planet has oxygen like Earth, but I didn't find any living organisms besides plant life, and as we know, the Galra has ways of hiding from our technology." Pidge looked up from her computer and cracked a smile. "Are we there yet?" Everyone smiled-even Keith, thankyouverymuch-and they all let out a cheer when the Castle of Lions landed, but the view made them stop cold.

No Galra. Just a cardboard box in the middle of a grassy field.

Keith's heart sank. He was hoping for a fight, an adventure to get Lance back. He was hoping for a happy ending.

But there was just a cardboard box.

"Let's go see what's in the box, then," Allura's voice shook. The paladins slowly walked out of the castle after the Allura and Coran. Pidge was kicking at the tufts of grass, and there were tears rolling down Hunks cheeks. They approached the box. Keith was afraid to look inside.

And once he looked, he sank down into the grass and sobbed. Lance's bloody armor was in the box, along with shattered pieces of his bayard. Pidge picked up Lance's helmet, the thing covered in bloodstains, the glass half-broken, and held it to her chest.

Then they heard the whirring of a ship. Hunk raised his head to look up, but a loud voice told him to keep his head down, and he did.

"Are they Galra?" Allura whispered.

"No," Hunk muttered back. "Looks like a cargo ship. One of the older models from the Garrison." They all heard the cargo ship land. _Not Galra no Lance not Galra no Lance not Galra no Lance._ They surrounded the box, huddling close as the ship opened. Keith could hear them walking closer. Pidge's hands were white from clutching Lance's helmet too tightly.

"Kriiz, Aefra, secure the prisoners. Take them to the Commander for questioning." An unrecognizable voice ordered.

Kriiz and Aefra expertly blindfolded the team, and Keith only saw a flash of feathers before he was knocked out.

*  
Lance wasn't surprised when his door was unlocked. He just stood up and offered his hands. He didn't want to fight He didn't have a witty remark for them. He was bone tired, and his misses Keith and his mamá, and his siblings, and Hunk and Pidge and Shiro and Coran and Allura.

He wasn't surprised when he and the guards went to the torture room.

He wasn't surprised when they strapped him down and took of part of his prison jumpsuit.

He wasn't surprised when Colrin walked into the room.

He wasn't surprised when the thing and the drain sounded excited while Colrin chose a knife. Today, the blade had a jagged edge. Probably for maximum effect.

He wasn't surprised when Colrin turned into Shiro.

And when Shiro took the jagged-edged knife and cut from Lance's left third rib to his right pelvis bone, he shut his eyes and gritted his teeth, but he didn't scream.

And when Shiro became Keith, he was only a little surprised, because usually Keith was saved for last. Two Galra guards pulled a rusty table into the room. It looked like they had dunked the thing in water and let it air dry. He knew that because he had dropped on of the chicken feeder tins in the cow lake, and left it out to dry. Mamá had been so angry with him after that.

When the Galra guards picked him up and strapped him to the table, facedown, he was a little surprised. Facedown wasn't really the Galra style. If he lifted his head a little, he could see Keith picking out a new knife. And Keith chose a delicate one, a clean, pure silver that looked like it should be used for sacrificing virgins or something. And then Keith spoke.

"I'll never love you." Keith traced Lance's spine with his fingertips. "Your feelings for me are disgusting." Keith leaned down closer to Lance's ear.

"But don't worry, we can cut them out." Keith's eyes glittered as he snarled and began to trace the bottom of Lance's spine with the knife, drawing blood. The would on his abdomen throbbed.

Lance didn't let himself cry out.

Not even when Keith's knife dug in harder than before for each bone he was tracing. Not even when a fist hit his ribs. Not when Keith reached his neck, and outlined all the way to his hair line.

Not when the guards threw Lance back into his cell, and he watched Keith lock the door through half-lidded eyes.

And not when a voice started talking from inside his own head.

*  
They woke up strapped to chairs, trapped in a dark room. Keith tried to speak, call out to the others- _I'm okay, are you okay?_ -but a gag prevented him. They waited in the dark silence of the room, every person, alien or human, holding their breath.

Then a light turned on, stinging Keith's eyes. He blinked away the tears forming-seriously, who keeps their lights this bright?-and then a boy walked in. A familiar boy.

Matt Holt.

Pidge was too the right of him, and he tried to get her attention, but she was knocked out cold, and her helmet was still on. Locked on, the glass fully covering her face. She didn't have a gag. He figured that Aefra and whats-their-name couldn't get in on her.

Then he noticed the lack of alertness throughout his other teammates, except Allura and Coran. Everyone was knocked out except for them. They were the only ones who could see Matt.

Man, was Lance going to love this story.

"It's interesting that you're awake." Matt said. "The drug has a longer effect on humans than aliens."

"What have you done to them?" Allura shot back. "Wake them up, now!"

"Can't do that until you give me some answers," Matt drawled. "Who are you, and how did you find us? How did you find this planet?"

Keith noticed Pidge stirring. Her glasses weren't on her nose, like usual. None of this was like the usual routine. Usually, they weren't kidnapped by space rebels.

"We're Voltron, bitch." Pidge slurred. "Pass the macaroni." _Pass the macaroni?_

"Voltron? What is a Voltron?" Matt looked genuinely confused.

"Turn down the porn, Joey." Pidge drifted in and out of consciousness. "I'm trying to make dinner."

"I said, what's Voltron?" Matt slammed his hands down on the armrests of Pidge's chair.

"Tell the deer to come in for dinner, dear," Pidge giggled. "I made mashed potatoes."

"You!" Matt pointed at Keith. "What's a Voltron?"

Keith let his head slip and he caught a very-wide-awake Pidge's eyes. He nodded slightly to her, catching on with her plan of escape.

"The lampshades are on fire, Robert," Keith grinned up at Matt.

"Vevrammi," Matt stuck his head out into the hall. "Get in here. Start with the red one."

"Sure thing, Commander." An alien glided into the room. She was wearing layered pieces of cloth over a shirt, tied with a rope, with makeshift pants underneath. Keith noted that Matt was wearing something similar. Instead of skin, she had pink scales and her hair was blue, and she had little nubs on top of her head, like the beginning of horns. Her eyes were yellow, not a Galra-yellow, but a soft yellow. A sunflower yellow.

"Hello. I am Vevrammi." A soft, soothing voice spoke, but no one else could hear it but Keith.

"I'm Keith." Keith didn't speak, but he reached out to her soft voice and held on, forming a connection.

"Are you a paladin, Keith?" Vevrammi asked. "Of Voltron?"

"Yes," Keith thought. "We all are, except for Allura and Coran."

"As in Princess Allura?" Vevrammi sounded excited. "She is legend to my people."

"Where are you from?" Keith asked.

"I am from Eyruta. We were the first planet the Galra conquered." Vevrammi's voice was sad, and Keith could see her memories briefly. Galra fighter ships shot down on villages, lighting them aflame. There was a younger Vevrammi, clutching a dying alien's hand and sobbing.

"I'm sorry about your planet." Keith sent his care towards her through their connection.

"It was long ago. It is time to forget about the past, I think." Vevrammi cleared her thoughts and the burning village flew from Keith's mind. "Why are you here, Keith? I do not wish to read your mind."

Keith hesitated before answering. "We've been looking for one of our paladins. Lance. He was taken by the Galra."

"I am sorry." Vevrammi send him the equivalent of a mind-hug. "Do you love him?"

"Yes."

"And this is why you do not give up?"

"Yes."

"It was nice to meet you, Keith. Hopefully, we can talk out loud next time."

"It was nice meeting you too."

Their connection broke and Keith's head was his own again. Vevrammi smiled at him again as she slunk out of the room. The gag was also gone. She probably took it off for him. He could hear her and Matt talking about him and his friends in hushed tones. They should have closed the door.

"...it's this robot cat, thing, Matt..."

"....who put's a robot cat in space?"

"Alteans.........long lost princess.....flying robot cat.."

"....'re completely insane, V..."

"...trust, Matt......we'll find her...."

Matt and Vevrammi entered the room again, just as Shiro and Hunk began to stir. Two more aliens followed them in, a feathered wisp of a girl and a green-skinned man with pointy ears. They began loosening the restraints on their prisoners, and the feathered girl placed water in front of all of them. Pidge released her helmet, and her glasses fell to the floor. Keith bent down to pick them up for her.

"Hello." Matt said awkwardly. "Sorry about the capturing thing."

"I think I know that voice." Pidge squinted at Matt. "Where are my glasses?" Keith handed them to her silently.

"Katie?" Matt asked.

"Matthew Holt?" Pidge said back. "Matthew Alexander Holt?"

"Not fair, Katie. You didn't choose a middle name while I was on-"

"Earth?" Pidge adjusted her glasses. "You mean, when you went to space with Shiro here and left me behind?"

"Shiro?" Matt asked.

"Matt?" Shiro said groggily.

"Hunk?" Hunk asked.

*  
An hour later, the rebels had finally managed to park their ship in the castle. For what Keith could tell, there were about twelve on that ship, and many more spread across the galaxy.

The rebels had wanted to take a tour of the Castle of Lions first, and when they walked past Lance's room, Vevrammi squeezed Keith's hand to comfort him.

And now they were all gathered on the command deck, and Matt had more questions then a four am Purge did about Keith's feelings toward Lance. 

Allura explained to him how it had happened-the magic bubble thing, bla bla bla-and now he was finally lost in thought. 

"Did you inform his family?" Matt asked.

"Matt, c'mon." Shiro protested. "He isn't dead."

"When you lose a soldier, you inform the family. It's how it works." Matt looked like he was years older than he was. 

"We haven't lost him." Keith whispered. "He's alive."

"You don't know that, Keith. I'm sorry, but his family deserves to know."

Pidge glared at her older brother with laser focus. "What happened to you, Matt?" She asked.

"War."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't worry, there's going to be more angst in the next chapter hehe
> 
> also i'm living for all of your comments and kudos and bookmarks:) and suggestions are welcome! you can comment on her or hit me up on tumblr at @voltron-is-ohana! also feel free to send me a message
> 
> can you guys comment if minor shatt or shallura should be in this or if it should be mainly klance? it would be super helpful i need assistance


	5. Words Hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 4-i wrote that ending so that i could introduce more of the plot and the lesbians
> 
> also there's space lesbians in this chapter it was required sorry i don't make the rules

Home(3)

1(n). The place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household

2(adj). Relating to the place where one lives

3(adv). to or at the place where one lives.

Example Sentences:

1. _After our long day, we have finally returned home._

2. _I just wanted to go home, but Mom made me go to her office party._

3. _If they hadn't found Lance by the end of the week, they would travel to his home and tell his family._

4. _Sometimes home isn't a place, but a person. Lance was Keith's home._

Minutes dragged by. Lance never slept. It had been six days in this prison, or two thousand years, or two hours. It felt like two thousand years. He wondered if Christmas had passed, or Thanksgiving, or Natalicio de José Martí, when his mother always insisted on baking cakes for the neighborhood celebrations. But then they moved to a small town in New Mexico next to a friendly Samoan family and he met Hunk. Mamá always made cakes on January 28, though. Juliana liked the raspberry best. He always preferred the lemon with buttercream frosting, though. The twins liked chocolate like it was their religion. Allie, Anthony and Charlie liked the vanilla, and Clair liked the ice cream cake. One time, she fed a bit of it to one of the goats, and when Charlie drove it to the vet, it pooped and Lance had to clean it up.

Goat poop is easily the most disgusting thing he's ever had to clean. 

And he dealt with Clair's stinky diapers at six years old.

Galra guards marched past his door.

Lance sighed.

*  
Two days went by quickly. The rebels were still in the Castle of Lions, which made Keith anxious and even more worried about Lance. Matt and Pidge had basically spent the past two days brainstorming up ways to find Lance. Hunk and some of the rebels had made snacks for everyone. Shiro and Ascot, Matt's second-in-command, had compared battle plans and tactics the Galra had used on them before. Vevrammi and Allura told home stories, becoming quick friends over destroyed planets.

And Keith wrote.

He wrote to the journal, specifically.

He wrote about Lance, about how nervous he was that they would have to tell his family that he was a war prisoner now instead of safe in the Castle. That Keith had failed them. That he had let Lance save him, when it should be _Keith_ saving _Lance._ He wished he had saved Lance. If there was a way to turn back time, Keith would go back and push Lance out, knight-in-shining-paladin-armor style. 

He wished that the Galra hadn't abandoned the paladin armor, and that Lance was here now, joking around as usual and making Keith's heart sing.

He wished that the Galra had taken him instead.

He wished a lot of things, but time had-yet again-screwed him over and kicked him to the ground like a stray dog. 

"You are Keith, yes?" A voice said. One of the rebels walked into the common room, and sat on the love chair next to the couch Keith was laying on.

"Yep," Keith sighed.

"It is your boyfriend zhey took?" The rebel asked. Keith's cheeks turned red.

"We aren't dating." Keith glared at a couch pillow.

"Zut you love him?" Whoever this was, they were super nosy.

"I-" Keith hesitated.

"You do love zim, zmm?" They asked. It wasn't as much of a question, just a weirdly worded command. Keith glanced at them. They had light green skin, which turned blue at their hairline, and they had short brown hair down to their shoulders. Five feathers on their forehead formed a widow's peak. Like the rest of the rebels, they were wearing shabby clothes, and their skin was covered by feathers. The feathers were striking. As Keith watched, they shimmered from blue-green to purple and then to a darker blue.

"Who are you, exactly?" Keith challenged.

"My name zis Aefra." The alien offered their hand to Keith. They shook hands for a few more awkward second then longer. "You zave met my mate, yes?"

"You mean Vevrammi?" Keith sat up on t he couch so they could sit on the comfy cushions instead of the tough love seat that Lance liked.

"Yes, my Vevra." The rebel smiled softly. "Sze is ze love of my life. I could not lose zer."

Aefra had a thick accent, and she didn't use letters like h, t, and b, and replaced them with z. 

"How come you don't use h, t and b?" Keith asked.

"My Vevra says zat iz my accent. I say because zer's no lezers in my nazive alpzazet for zose lezers."

"And who's right?"

"I believe zat we are zoth rigz. Sze is very smart. My Vevra is ze sczolar, noz me." Keith nodded along. "Sze wanzed zo zecome a doczer. We saved up, zut ze Galra zook over the sczools, and my Vevra could noz go."

"I'm sorry."

"Do noz ze. We zave joined rezels, fougzt zack. Very refreszing." Aefra sighed. "I mosz go. You coze." Keith followed Aefra out of the common room. Lance's love seat swung sadly, like it knew it's owner was gone. Like the castle knew Lance was gone.

Aefra led Keith to the command deck, where Vevrammi and Allura were looking at maps of the stars together.

"You do noz zink zat ze princess is flirzing wiz my wife, no?" Aefra whispered. " I am not in ze mood zo kick princess ass."

Keith shook his head and chuckled. Aefra was turning out to be an interesting, charismatic friend.

"Aefra! There you are," Vevrammi speedwalked towards them. "I was growing a bit worried."

"I zold you. Zere is nozing zo worry azout. I zve found a new friend." Aefra gestured to Keith. "Ze is in love wiz ze blue one, I zink."

"Oh, yeah. He totally is." Shiro interrupted, walking into the command deck just then. Around half of the rebels followed behind him. Hunk, Pidge, Matt and around three of the rebels had yet to join them.

"Am not!" Keith yelled after Shiro.

"Ze reminds me of you." Aefra said to Vevrammi.

"I suppose I am the water to your fire, my love." Vevrammi grasped Aefra's hand.

Hunk walked into the room just then, carrying trays of delicious-smelling foods. Three of the rebels followed him. One looked like they were carrying pretzels and dip. Keith's stomach made a whales call.

"Where are Pidge and Matt?" Allura asked. "Did no one grab them?"

Shiro sucked in breath sharply. "Sorry, Princess, I forgot!" Shiro squeaked. "I'll go do that. Bye!" Shiro ran out of the room. Keith raced after him.

"Shiro! Shiro, wait!" Keith called. Shiro slowed down to a walk so that Keith could catch up. "What was that about with Allura?"

"She told me that she liked me."

"Isn't that good?"

"I thanked her."

"You thanked her?"

"I thanked her."

*  
It was doom time. Lance called it doom time because the Galra soldiers opened his cell, either made a racist or called him paladin scum, then hauled him to torture or interrogation. One or the other. One or the other. _Maybe they'll carve today. I hope they hurt you. You want to die, don't you? Fucking disgusting._

And then there was the voice. A day after they put the chip in, the mean voice started. It had an opinion on everything Lance thought.

It was like having the Garrison teachers inside his head, 24/7.

"Hey, purple." Lance said when the guards opened his doors. "How ya doin?"

"Aren't we eager today? Get the chains on him." Colrin walked into Lance's cell. _I hope he hurts you I hope he hurts you I hope he hurts you._

"What's it like, being a furry?" Lance asked innocently. 

"Shut your mouth, boy. You just wait until Zarkon gets his hands on you."

"Wouldn't that make you jealous? Your boyfriend flirting with another man?" 

Colron struck him across the face. Blood gushed from the three claw marks.

"We were only going to do one letter today. I think we can do two, don't you? A phrase, maybe?" Colrin sneered.

The guards hauled Lance to his feet. "When you and Zarkon bang, are you the top or is he?" Lance thrusted his hips in a lewd motion. This time, a guard punched him in the eye.

"Somebody wants to get all carved up today, hmm?" Colrin sneered. "Poor, poor paladin. I think that we can push it to five words today." Colrin hesitated for a split second. "I'm thinking two phrases for you, pretty boy."

Lance stopped walking for a moment. _You deserve it, don't you? You disgusting waste of a human life. You disappointment._

Colrin chucked darkly as they entered the room. The guards put the new restraints on Lance effortlessly.

"Haggar will be here soon, scum." Colrin's nasty breath stung Lance's nostrils. "Aren't you going to have fun today, hmm?"

"I hope you and Zarkon are happy together." Lance grinned, and Colrin tore the skin from Lance's collarbone to the beginning of his neck.

"And I hope you suffer." Colrin leered.

The captain left the room, and Lance waited for the witch. _It's the witching hour, and you'll be dead soon._

She came in a few minutes later, the usual emo cloak on. _She's going to screw you up, you know that?_

Haggar set down a tray of knives and took the seat opposite him. He watched her look over the knives fondly-a little too fondly-and she selected a medium sized one with a smooth blade. A guard took the tray away. Lance knew she pressed the button, because she became Allura.

"Oh, Lance." Allura set the knife to his skin. "Always the weak link." She carved a W on his right wrist. "I wish that you weren't a paladin. It would make life _so_ much easier, you know?" Next came the E and A. _It's true. Everything's simpler when you aren't involved._

Allura turned into Pidge. "I thought we talked about this last time, Lance." Pidge clicked her tongue and cut the K. "It really is silly that we rescue you. Learn to think about others." Pidge did the next letter, too. L-I-N-K. "You've always been so selfish, Lance."

"Pidge, no!" Lance cried.

She looked at him without any emotion. "You ruined the team, Lance. Your always mess up." _True._

"Please, Pidge..." Lance whimpered.

"I hate you." And just like that, Pidge became Hunk.

"You disgust me." Hunk snarled. He started a new word with an S. _Don't you get it? Everyone hates you._

Next was the E. "I'm not even sad that you're gone."

"Hunk? Buddy?" Lance tried. 

"I'm not your buddy." Hunk carved the L-F-I. 

Hunk became Shiro. "Look at the sad, blue paladin." Shiro sneered. 

"Shiro, please, don't." Lance sobbed. 

"Oh, but I think that I will." Shiro's eyes glittered while he dug the S and H into Lance's skin. "All these things written on your body?" Shiro leaned in close to Lance. 

"All of them are true." _All of them. All of them, and you know it._

"You know what else you are, hmm?" Shiro asked. "A disappointment." _True true true._

Shiro cut a D into Lance's wrist, right under the still healing _worthless_. The words themselves weren't very big, mainly so that they could fit more onto his arms, but they inflicted physiological damage on Lance that apple crumble muffins just couldn't fix. Next was the I-S-A. "I'm going to leave now, okay?" Shiro sneered. "I think that someone more _worthy_ will take my place."

Shiro became Charlie. Charlie, his closest brother. Charlie, who was holding a bloody knife and looked like he wanted to run it through Lance's chest.

"Little brother." Charlie almost sounded normal. "You've gotten yourself in some trouble." The knife danced through Charlie's long fingers. He started on the next letters. P-P-O-I-N-T-M-E-N-T. "It's sad, really. Mama's boy went from the family favorite to the most hated because he's a disgusting fa-"

"You promised." Lance could feel tears rolling down his cheeks. "You promised you wouldn't use that word."

"And you promised Papa that you would stay safe. You told Mamá that you wouldn't run off." Charlie paused, choosing the next word. He nodded to himself, and Lance's shirt was crudely torn off, and the guards escorted him to the torture chamber. Charlie followed close behind.

They tied his wrists to one of the hanging ropes in the room. "Colrin, set up the video feed." Haggar had pressed the button and Lance wasn't seeing his brother anymore, but the witch. Colrin fiddled with a camera and tripod. "I want this broadcasted live to the Castle's command deck. I'll know when Allura picks up our signal."

While Colrin got the feed set up, Haggar moved to the racks around the room. She grabbed a larger knife. The blade was jagged, unlike the one Charlie-no, she had used back in the other room. The one with the knife tray and the metal table and words carved into skin. _Disappointment. God, that's just what you are. Everyone hates you. Why don't you do us all a favor and k-_

"No," Lance whispered.

"They're watching, scum." Haggar sneered. "Why don't you put on a show for your friends?" Lance grinned at the camera.

"Hey, guys." He said and waggled his fingers.

Haggar advanced with the dagger in hand. "I think you need some more reminders, don't you?"

"Actually, I'm good. Thanks for the offer, though." She placed the knife to his skin anyway. This time, his back. Haggar twisted his so that his back was facing the camera, and then she dug a S into his left shoulder blade.

"This will be so much fun, paladin." Haggar snarled. She started on the next letter. C.

"They all hate you, you know." _They do, and you know it._

"I think you have some bolts loose, lady." Lance wheezed, and he felt the blade dig into his back. R.

The E nearly had him in tears.

He whined at the force put on his right shoulder blade for the W.

And under, she carved out UP. _Worthless. Disappointment. Weak link. Selfish. Screw up. All so true._ Haggar grabbed a smaller knife and traced his jawline, then down to his voice box and to the beginning of his collarbones.

"Where should the next word go? I'm thinking ribs. Shoulder would be to cliché, don't you think?"

Lance just shrugged. Haggar hummed to herself as she began the next words. W-A-S-T-E-O-F-S-P-A-C-E curved up along the outside of Lance's left rib cage. S-E-V-E-N-T-H-W-H-E-E-L went along his right rib cage. Tears stung the wound on his cheek, and his head swung.

"Allura, I know that you're watching." Haggar said to the camera. "In three days, Lord Zarkon comes to this ship for the gladiator games." Lance watch Colrin puff up with pride at the mention of Zarkon. "My little pet here-"Hggar tapped the drain with her foot, and the thing in there let out a purr"-is very eager to taste Lance's blood. Say your good-byes, because this is the last you will ever see of him."

Colrin shut off the live feed, and the group of people on the command deck of the Castle watched the screen go dark.

_Waste of space. Seventh Wheel. Disappointment. Worthless. Weak Link. Selfish. Screw Up._

_All_

_so_

_true._


	6. The Battle

Broken

1(adj).(of a person) having given up all hope; despairing

2(adj).having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order

Example Sentences:

1. _She broke my favorite vase!_

2. _The cat broke his paw, and luckily, the vet will do it pro-bono._

3. _There are moments when it seems as if a broken heart stitches together, but Lance's always fell apart again._

4. _It felt as if someone had broken all of Keith's bones simultaneously._

Time slipped through fingertips too quickly. Keith wanted to reach out and grab at it, tell time to slow her ass down, but time never listened. Time kept moving and continuing winding it's way through Keith's veins like a drug. Continuing to screw Keith over. Just like a drug. Time, the unreliable narrator. Time, messy and unforgiving.

Time.

Two days.

Forty-eight hours until Zarkon showed up on whatever ship Lance was on.

Two days until Lance was a goner.

2880 minutes.

172800 seconds.

Time was a pain in the ass.

*  
Back on Earth, Lance ran all over. His little high school in the small town he grew up in barely had a history department. Sports there were a thing of the future. No one was interested in them. They all knew how to run, of course. Working on rich men's fields for small pay before school and after. Lance had done his homework during lunch. Hunk always made sure he ate, though. 

But less than twelve hours ago, Hunk had told Lance that he disgusted him, so who could he trust right now, right? Not his friends. _That's right, isn't it? They all hate you, don't you understand? Everyone loathes you. No one likes it when you're around._

There was a night where Lance heard screaming coming from Shiro's room. Lance had grabbed a couple of face masks and lotions, and walked to Shiro's room slowly. He knocked on the door tentatively. After his cousins were robbed, the younger ones were sent to the states to live with Lance's side of the family. Benny had panic attacks nearly every night, so Lance knew how to help. Shiro called for Lance to come in, and Lance can remember their conversation like it was yesterday.

Shiro asked what he was carrying.

Lance moved his bundle of things so that they were on full display for Shiro to see. _I've got some face masks and lotions. It'll help with the panic attacks, I promise._

Shiro had nodded.

Lance carried on deliberately, wanting Shiro to be able to predict his next move. _I'm just going to put these on the dresser, okay?_

Shiro nodded again. _Okay._

Lance placed them down as promised. _You're breathing too quickly._

Shiro watched Lance with wide eyes. _It happens._

Lance smiled softly. _I know, buddy. Can you match your breathing with my counting?_

Shiro mumbled _yes_ and Lance began to count down from ten. Shiro's breathing pattern normalized. 

Shiro sat up on his bed. _Do you need anything?_ Lance asked. _I could get Allura, if you want._

Shiro shook his head. _Could you stay?_

Lance moved across the room to Shiro's dresser to grab face masks. _Course I can stay. Do you want me to put a face mask on you?_

Shiro's head bobbed again, and Lance sat across from him on the bed, and then when Shiro fell asleep, Lance carefully washed the mask off and went back to his own bedroom.

But now Shiro thought he was a disappointment. That he was the sad, blue paladin.

That he was nothing. It was enough to make anyone cry. For the _one_ person you looked up to, the reason you went to space, to tell you that you were a disappointment. To carve it into your arm.

It was enough to make someone feel more worthless than they already were. _Your hero hates you. He thinks that you are disgusting. He hates you, but not as much as Keith. God, Keith hates you the most._ Ture true true true true.

"Get up, prisoner." Galra guards banged on the bars of Lance's cell. 

"Can't a guy get a day off around here?" Lance whined.

"It's exercise day." The guard smirked. "All the prisoners have to train. Zarkon's on his way to watch the tournaments." Lance offered his hands and waited for the heavy feel of the shackles.

"No cuffs today?" Lance asked.

"Out of the cell, prisoner."

They marched down long hallways, and Lance noticed that they walk by the same door one, two, three times. Finally, the guard shoves him into a room, where about forty other aliens are. A small purple room-the purple in this place was getting a little excessive, honestly-with a small window in one of the corners. It was too high up to see out of. The Galra guard shoved Lance inside, and closed the door. He gulped when it locked. He looked around the room at the aliens. Everyone was different, some with blue skin, some with neon green eyes, and one covered in feathers. They were young and old and didn't deserve to be on a Galra prison ship.

No one deserved to be near the Galra, except when that Galra was Keith and he had just smiled at you like you were the most precious thing in the world. No one deserved to be near the Galra, except when it was Keith and you were holding hands like a bunch of goons. No one deserved to be near the Galra unless you were in love with one of them.

But love was a tricky thing, wasn't it? Keith didn't love Lance, no. He thought that his feelings towards Keith were disgusting. Something that needed to be fixed.

Keith would never love someone like him.

*  
After Haggar's message, Keith wanted to eject himself into the void. But he couldn't, so he tore a training droid's head off instead. Then another and another, until Hunk forced him to stop. He stared at his room's ceiling all night. Well, Lance's room's ceiling. It wasn't that bad of a ceiling. Maybe when Lance got back, they could paint it blue.

Maybe when Lance got back, he would confess his feelings. _I love you in a very gay way, Lance._

But that was if they found Lance. That was if they got to him on time. That was if Keith grew a pair and managed to confess.

The journal was on the dresser. Open, inviting. But Keith didn't want to write and confess his feelings to a part of the Lion's spirit right now. Right now, he wanted to find Lance and get the hell back to kicking Zarkon's butt. He wanted Lance to kick Zarkon's butt with him, specifically, and then he wanted to be able to kiss him after battle, because that's what you do when you're in love, right?

But what do you do when he doesn't love you back? What happens then?

When happens when you can feel your heart shatter inside your chest when you think of him? What happens when he has _SCREW UP_ carved into his back? What happens then? Do you fight or flee?

What do you do when the one person you love will be dead in two days?

You pick up his journal and try to remember the way he was.

You fight.

You love with all of your heart.

You do not just quit on him.

Keith opened up the journal. It wrote first. _Would you like to see something he wrote?_

Yes.

It flipped a few pages, and ink started appearing. Lance's handwriting was all curvy and messy and just _Lance_. It read:

_Dear Blue,_  
Everything's been kinda rough these past few weeks. I feel like Shiro is showing favoritism towards Pidge, and Keith especially. He barely pays attention to me and Hunk, which is pretty upsetting, but I'm used to it now. The way I figure, I'll always be the comic relief in the team's eyes. I've cut back on the flirting with Allura, but that isn't working. Keith isn't jealous of the flirting stuff, either. The plan was to flirt with her to get Keith all riled up so that maybe, just maybe, he'd confess his undying love for me, but clearly, that hasn't worked out. It's his birthday soon. I think he's forgotten about it, but I haven't. He forgets about a lot of things, I think. Life's just to hard on him, ya know? It needs to let him take a little break for once. I don't think I've ever felt this way about someone before. Not like this. Of course, there were the flings in high school, before the Garrison, but when he sat in the seat in front of me on that first day, my hear just swooned. I'm not one for love at first sight, but damn. Anyways Blue, thanks for letting me rant today. I feel like you're the only one who I can talk about this stuff with.  
-Lance

Keith didn't notice the tears running down his cheeks until one hit the page and smeared Lance's name.

The message swiftly disappeared, and the journal began writing. _I believe that he loves you._

But what if he didn't mean it? What if I'm not good enough?

The journal paused for a few moments before answering. _But he loves you._

What if he doesn't?

Instead of answering, the journal flipped to a new page. 

_Dear Blue,  
The seventh wheel isn't a good wheel to be, but at least he doesn't notice when I watch him train. At least I go unnoticed at team meetings, so that I can study Keith's perfections and imperfections quietly. Like the little smile he gives Pidge when she's excited. The soft eyebrow raise. The crossed arms, protecting a heart that I'm dying to know, a heart that I want to love me back. I wished he loved me the way I love him. They say that if you like someone for over four months, then you love them, and dear Jesus, I think I love him. He puts on his gloves left first, right after, and he runs his fingers through that stupid mullet when he's nervous. I wish he would run his fingers through my hair. I wish that I was important to him. I wish he saw me as the team sharpshooter, not the team screw up._

_But most of all, I wish he loved me the way I love him.  
-Lance_

The words floated off the page. Keith wished he could savor them. 

The journal-Blu-began to write. _He loves you. Do you love him?_

Yes.

A little pause before words filled up the next line. _Would you do anything to save him?_

Of course I would.

He imagined Lance's bright smile as he waited for Blue to write back. _Good to know._

Good to know? What does that even mean?

He could almost hear Lance's laugh. _We shall see._

Keith was a bit mad at the journal for going all zen on him. He wrote: Why are you being all mysterious all of the sudden?

Blue didn't write back, and the alarms began blaring. Keith ran out of Lance's room and to the hanger, where the lions were held. He put on his suit automatically and the hanger began to fill up with people. The other three paladins got dressed quickly, and waited for Allura's instructions, but she was looking at Blue mournfully.

"Who will pilot Blue?" Allura whispered. "He's not here, he's gone, he's gone." He voice rose as she spoke. Allura began to sway on the balls of her feet, and Shiro dashed to steady her before she fainted.

"Allura, you can pilot Blue." Shiro murmured. "You must."

"No, Shiro, you don't understand." Allura cried. "Blue is the most accepting lion, but she will not be accepting of me. Lance is her paladin."

"Allura," Shiro pleaded. "Just try, okay?"

"Okay." Allura whimpered. She went slowly to put Lance's armor on. Pidge and Hunk had fixed it up, but not for her. For Lance. As the princess got dressed, Keith approached the lions.

He walked up to Blue first, and placed a hand on her paw. "Blue, it's me, Keith." Keith whispered. "Something's happened, and Allura needs to pilot you, okay? It'll be short, I promise." Keith could hear her shudder at the thought of a different pilot, a different paladin. He walked to Red, and prepared himself for battle.

*  
Fighters circled around Voltron, shooting at weak links. Mainly, the Blue Lion. Allura tried, but Blue refused to accept her. It had wasted them ten minutes before Blue let Allura in.

"La-Allura, we need the blaster!" Shiro ordered over the comms.

"I-I can't, Shiro!" Allura cried. "I'm not the sharpshooter!"

"We need to do something, quick!" Pidge yelled.

"Everyone, split up!" Shiro dictated. "And protect the Castle from the ship!"

Once the disassembled, Keith piloted Red downwards, under the fighter ships. He weaved his way through them, shooting at every enemy he could see. He pretended that they were all the Galra captain and Haggar who had tortured Lance. Lance, who _loved_ him. Lance, who he loved back.

Lance, who was running out of time.

Keith shot down three more fighters. He watched as Blue flew wildly, and nearly shot the Green Lion.

"Allura, get back to the Castle!" Shiro ordered. "Now!"

Keith watched Blue fly to the Castle's hanger, and then he turned back to the battle. They were able to work better without Allura piloting Blue, but Pidge yelped as a shot hit her lion, and Hunk whined when fighters managed to surround him. In a regular battle, Lance would have had his friends backs, but Lance wasn't here. He was in some prison instead, getting tortured by an old witch who needed a haircut to get rid of her split ends. If Lance was here, the battle would be over already.

If Lance was here, everything would be better.

*  
Lance and the other aliens were taking turns watching the fighters fly by. Lance was on someone's shoulders when he saw them. Voltron. He watched the whirlwind of Voltron forming, and watched as Keith cut through dozens of fighters with his sword. He watched as Blue kicked at some of them. Someone tapped on his leg, presumably for him to come down, but Lance held up a finger. _Give me a second, please, I just need to see them. I just need to see him. I need to make sure he's okay._

The doors of the training room opened, and Lance jumped off of the alien's shoulders. Colrin walked in, followed by guards.

"Everyone will be taken to their cells and await for further instruction." He kicked at someone's prosthetic, and they fell to the ground. Another alien dragged them away from Colrin's leg range. "Everyone except you, Blue paladin. You have an extra _session_."

Galra guards hauled Lance out the door and towards the torture room. Their was no detours or random laps around the ship to confuse him. They marched straight there. Colrin looked like he was shaking, he was so furious. Haggar was already there when Colrin and Lance entered. A rope was set up, a knife already prepared. A whip lay next to it.

It was hasty, the way Colrin tied him up. It was nearly careless. Lance's shirt was off in a matter of seconds.

"No, you're going to tell me," Colrin whispered, "how they found us, okay?" Colrin was a maniac. How would Lance know how Voltron had found the prison ship?

"I have to say, I would like to know how they found you, too." Lance said.

Colrin grabbed the whip. "How did they find us, scum?"

"No clue." The whip came down on Lance's lag with a _Crack!_ He howled.

"How." _Crack!_ "Did." _Crack!_ "They." _Crack!_ "Find." _Crack!_ "Us?"

"Listen, pal, I dunno." Lance smirked. "A location app?" This time, the whip slapped his shoulder. Hot tears tracked their way down Lance's cheeks.

"Let's make a new word, hmm?" Haggar said, clearly bored.

"Yes, let's do that." Colrin hissed. He looked deranged. "Did you see Voltron today? Your friends managed fine without you. You're a burden to them, Lance." The knife twisted it's way through Colrin's clawed hands, and he placed it above Lance's heart. Colrin started on the B, and Lance writhed.

_Poor, poor Lance. They aren't going to rescue you. They fled from the fight, knowing you were on the ship. Don't you get it? No one wants you around. Because you know what you are?_

_A burden._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm hoping for three to four more chapters after this one, and then for the fic to be done, but who knows
> 
> kudos and comments always appreciated!!


	7. You're Just Another Hallucination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's me, the local Piece of Trash back again with another chapter
> 
> i honestly do not know where i was going with the intro my doods so don't judge

Hallucination

an experience involving the apparent perception of something not present

Example Sentences:

1. _He thought that he had hallucinated our grandfather's death._

2. _She continued to suffer from hallucinations._

3. _Was it really Keith torturing Lance, or was it a hallucination? Lance didn't know anymore._

4. _Whenever the witch pressed that damn button, the hallucinations tore Lance apart._

There are moments when you can't breathe without someone. It's like someone tugged on your heartstrings too hard. No, no, like Satan purposefully broke you for His own enjoyment. It gets like that when the fire to your water is missing. It gets like that when he's gone. It gets like that when you cannot let him go.

It gets like that when you learn to tune everything else out except for _him._

Does Cupid get his kicks and giggles from watching you break? Is he holding the strings of fate, making sure that yours and his never cross? Is something keeping you apart? 

Do you wish to see him again?

Can you feel his hands in yours when you dream? Do you forget that he's gone when you wake up, or do you reach for him on the empty side of your metal mattress in your prison cell?

Do you have any idea what is running through his mind?

Or do you not know that he misses you too?

Do you know that he is breaking slowly too?

Do you know that he can feel you missing like it is a knife driving through his heart? Or are you oblivious?

Do you know that you love him?

Do you know that he loves you back?

Or do you not consider yourself worthy of his love?

Is he worthy of yours?

Do you even know what love is?

Don't you realizing that you're broken?

When did you begin to fall apart? When did you begin to cover up the insecurities with badly timed jokes?

Was it when they started ignoring you that you cried for your mama?

Do you miss your family?

Do you miss him like it tears through your heart? Like you can't breathe? Like his name is one of the words on your wrists and you cannot look away?

Do you miss the real him, or are you glad that you can still see him when he tortures you?

Are you glad that you get to see him, even though he hurts you?

Do you know what love really is? Is this love, or is this another hallucination?

*

Keith was a space guy. He also liked conspiracy theories, maybe a little too much, but that was alright. What he didn't like was when Lance flirted with Allura, or when Lance smiled _that smile_ at anyone but him. The smile that makes him look so lovable and sweet and kind.

He didn't like it when Lance decided to save him. He didn't like it when neither of them had confessed their feelings for each other before Lance was captured. 

But he liked that Lance liked him back. He didn't like that it was the tenth day. He wished they had more time.

He wished that Lance was here.

He would do anything for Lance to be here. Anything. He would go back to ten days ago, when this all started, and he would shove Lance out of the bubble, and he would go instead.

He would go instead, so that Lance could bake cookies with Hunk. So that Lance could have countless other nights to send Pidge off to bed and away from her computer. So that Lance could help Shiro with face masks, because Shiro's terrible at doing them on himself. He would go so that Lance could have a chance at freedom. So that the sketches of Lance and his family reuniting in the journal would come true. So that Blue would have her paladin back. 

So that Lance would be safe instead of dead.

*  
The rebels had left this morning, or what was morning on Earthen time standards. They had gotten a distress signal from a Galra working colony, and both Holt's eyebrows perked up at the decoded message. _This is Sam Holt. Tell my children I love them. This is Sam Holt._ Shiro wouldn't let Pidge go, and Matt promised that they would find each other again. They had all watched the rebel ship fly away from the command deck, and if Keith squinted, he could see Vevrammi and Aefra waving goodbye through the translucent window on their ship. 

The princess went to her room after that. She didn't put the paladins through any training, or make them sit in a circle and _bond._ Keith watched out the command deck's big window as the prison ship they had battled a few days before sent out a pod.

A pod leading straight to Zarkons ship, which had just flown into Keith's field of vision. Keith shrieked.

Hunk had raced into the room then, hearing Keith's yelling from the kitchen.

"Keith, buddy, you okay?" Hunk asked.

"Zarkon." Keith breathed out. "See that pod there? I think Lance is in there!"

Hunk slammed his hand down on the alarm button, and the rest of the group rushed in.

"Keith, Hunk, what is it?" Shiro asked.

"I-we-Zarkon." Keith pointed to the Galra ships. "Lance."

"Are you sure?" Allura asked.

"It's the tenth day." Pidge adjusted her glasses and moved to take a closer look. "Holy quiznack, that's a prisoner transfer pod!"

"A what pod?" Hunk frowned.

"I read about it when I was looking for my brother." Pidge jumped around excitedly. "We can rescue him!"

"Let's not be too hasty, Pidge." Allura said, and everyone simultaneously glared at her. She blushed. "What I meant was, we don't know where they're taking him in their castle."

"The arena." Shiro said darkly. "They just flew into the arena's hanger."

*  
The pod was crowded, but Lance could still here the beast growling from underneath them. All the prisoners were strapped in, like they were going to just hop out into space or something if they weren't. The metal cuffs dug into his fresh scars. The pod jolted, and the young alien strapped in next to him shrieked. 

"It'll be alright." Lance whispered. 

"What's your name?" She whispered back. She was three, four years old at the most. How did a little kid end up in prison? In a Galra prison, no less?

"I'm Lance." He grinned at her.

"Lance from Voltron?" She asked. "The Blue paladin?"

"Yep." Lance answered quietly. He didn't want the guards to hurt or shock her.

"My big brother has a doll of you." Her face scrunched up for a second, and her long ears wiggled. "He calls it a _figurine._ "

"What's your name?"

"Flymae Riz-Pyder." She told Lance proudly. "I'm named after my grandmum."

"That's so cool!" Lance smiled at her. She nodded pompously, like Juliana did when she knew the right answer on Game Night. "My brother is named after my great-granddad."

"Flymae, where are your parents?" Lance asked. "Are they in this pod?"

"No," She shook her head. He ears flopped around. "They're on a ship, with Uncle Matt."

"Uncle Matt?" Lance questioned. _Matt? Matt Holt?_ The ship jolted again, and they began to descend into the hanger. Heck, even Keith could pilot better then this. "And where is Uncle Matt?"

"He's..." Flymae looked around wildly, like anyone could be a spy, which was probably true. "He's with the other rebels. With my papa and dad."

"What're your parents names?"

"Kriiz and Ascot."

"And your brother?"

Before she had the chance to reply, a guard marched into the pod and they were escorted into an arena. Lance looked around. The crowds were cheering for blood. He watched as two guards released the beast into the arena. He stepped in front of Flymae protectively, like a big brother would have done. 

The beast was massive, wish shaggy purple fur and glowing yellow eyes. It roared, and the crowd yelled louder. Flymae whimpered, and he grabbed her hand. It was almost a reflex now, to protect other people, to put them before himself.

The beast stalked around the arena, and the crowd stood up as Zarkon entered the top box. Lance raised his middle finger at him. Zarkon didn't notice or didn't care.

"Hello, citizens of the Galra Empire!" The announcer spoke into the mic. "Today we have a very special victim-ahem, I mean contestant with us, the Blue paladin of Voltron!" The crowd booed at the mention of Voltron. The beast sniffed the air and looked straight at Lance. "Let the Games begin!"

A short green alien was pushed out first. She stumbled as she walked, and Lance could see the shackles on her feet.

"Hey, furry face!" Lance shouted. The crowd went silent.

Zarkon settled his gaze on Lance.

"There's no interrupting the games." The announcer chuckled nervously into the microphone.

"Let him speak." Zarkon rumbled.

Someone passed Lance a microphone. "She has shackles on her feet, you big bully! At least make it fair if you're going to kill innocent people! Let them have a chance to survive!"

"This is not how it works, paladin." Zarkon growled. 

"Well, I disagree!" Lance yelled. 

"Then your little friend can go next!" Zarkon roared. The arena went silent.

"Your Highness, she is only a child." The announcer begged.

"You can go next if you question me again, Trostuz." Zarkon turned back to watch the fighting. The alien stumbled around some more, clearly trying to prolong her death so that Flymae would have a few precious seconds of life. But the beast swung her body against a wall, and she hit with a sickening crunch.

The guards dragged Flymae from Lance's tight grip. He chased after her, but another soldier held him back. Lance kicked and screamed, but the soldier wouldn't let go. Someone jokingly handed Flymae a little stick. The beast growled at its new prey, and it stalked closer to the little, doe-eyed alien with the big floppy ears. Flymae held her stick menacingly. The beast lunged, and Flymae yelped as it caught her leg. She hit it on the nose with her stick, and it bared it's fangs at her. Quickly thinking, she stuck the stick inside it's mouth so that it's jaws were stuck open. Flymae tried to run back to Lance, but the beast had snapped her stick in half. Lance reached out for her, and their fingertips brushed and the beast picked her up and slammed her on the ground.

"NO!" Lance screamed. "Flymae!" He rushed out onto the arena, and this time, the guards let him. He reached her body quickly. The poor girl was barely breathing, and it looked like the beast had broken all of the bones in her body.

"Lance?" Flymae wheezed.

"It's going to be okay." Lance sobbed. His hands fluttered, he didn't know what wound was the worst.

"Tell my papa-"her eyelids fluttered as she drew another shaky breath"-that I love him."

"O-okay, I will." Lance swiped at his eyes.

"You promise?"

"I promise."

*  
Haggar stepped into the top box, and she waited patiently for the beast to begin to tear into it's new victim, a little alien with floppy ears and wide eyes. The guards bowed to her, and she took her seat at Zarkon's right. She watched as Lance ran to the girl's body. She pulled out the button from her robes.

"My lord?" Haggar asked.

"Hello, Haggar." Zarkon was as indifferent as always. 

She showed the button, her personal creation, to Zarkon. "My lord, I have an idea."

Zarkon nodded. "I'm listening, Haggar."

Haggar smirked at Lance crying over the girl in the arena and began to tell Zarkon about her button and the device inside Lance's neck.

Zarkon had a small smile as the announcer reported that Lance would be the next prisoner to fight.

*  
Her body was still warm when the announcer told the crowd that Lance would die next. He stood, and faced the beast with a fury not unlike Keith's internal fire. His mind was clear, and he didn't take the weapon the guards offered him. His sisters had forced him to practice gymnastics in the barn when they were younger. He could hold his own against the hulking beast or he would die trying.

Wouldn't that make Zarkon happy, to see a paladin's blood staining his precious arena?

Lance wouldn't give him the satisfaction. And he had someone to avenge. Planets Zarkon had destroyed, aliens that blood was on Zarkon's dirty claws. He had Flymae to avenge. 

Lance loosened his wrists before holding his hands up in a fighting position, protecting his face with his wrists and at the same time, being able to hit the beast's ugly face. He danced around the beast, pro-fighter style, like Eddie and Charlie had taught him. The beast swiped at Lance, but Lance ducked and kicked it off balance. He looked up at the top bow, and waved to Zarkon cheekily. Haggar sat next to him, and she made a point to show Lance the button in her hand. He paled, and the beast slashed his calf open. _Do it for Flymae._ Lance kicked the beast in the stomach, and it yelped. _For Altea._ The beast ripped open Lance's shirt, drawing blood. _For every death Zarkon has caused._ Lance punched the beast in the nose, it that sweet spot that made blood gush out. The beast howled and licked Lance's blood off of it's claw.

The beast advanced and knocked Lance off of his feet. _Don't you dare give up, Lance McClain. Stand up. RIGHT NOW._ Lance rose to his feet.

"Come at me, ugly." Lance sneered. _For Flymae. Fight for her. Fight for everyone. Fight to get back to Keith. Fight for your honor. Fight for everything you stand for. Die if you have to, but don't you dare give up._ The vioce was becoming more positive the more Lance thought positively about himself. He looked up at Haggar, who was pressing the button desperately. Zarkon looked like he was yelling at her, and shaking his clawed hand in her face.

The beast snarled and smacked Lance. Blood flowed from his nose. The beast tried for another hit, but Lance had skittered away, prayed to his Mamá, and grinned in the face of death.

Lance tried to catch his breath as the beast tried to stop it's own nosebleed. _Keep fighting, it's distracted, go, go, go!_ Lance kicked the beast as hard as he could, and it stumbled. The other prisoners cheered and the crowd booed. _For Flymae._ The beast turned towards him, it's bloodied nostrils flaring. It was adapting to Lance's fighting style, knowing when Lance would strike next and where his weak links were. Another bruise to Lance's ribs. Another cut to the already bloodied leg. Another hit to his head. The beast was winning.

But it was time to take back victory. Lance started switching up his moves, quickly adopting a looser fighting style. He looked up at the top box again, and Haggar was now shaking her button thingy and Zarkon was bellowing at her. He had beaten Haggar's game. He had knocked down the beast. He knew that the beast was long from being defeated, but getting past Haggar's mind games and finding strength inside himself to continue was victory enough. Finding the strength to survive was victory enough.

The beast stood up, and as it bellowed, the arena's ceiling exploded, and the Green Lion flew in. He glanced at the top box, where Haggar was beyond frustrated and Zarkon was ready to throw her into the arena. He looked around. No cruel Keith or Hunk, telling him awful things. No, just the surprised beast in front of him, looking up at the Green Lion. Lance took advantage, and grabbed a guards gun. He aimed carefully, the gun rang out, and the beast slumped down to the floor, dead. Lance grinned at the face of hope. He had hope, which was something he hadn't felt until that day he got accepted into the Garrison.

The Green Lion flew down, and the prisoners cheered. But quickly, the guards dragged them away, Lance included.

"Get off!" Lance struggled in their grasp. "Get off of me!" But the guards held on tight, and when Green opened her jaws and his friends rushed out, Lance was being dragged away.

"Lance!" Pidge howled. "LANCE!"

"Pidge!" Lance screamed back. "Keith!" _Look, he came to rescue you. They came to rescue you, it'll be okay. You fought hard for her. You won for Flymae. You beat the game, and your team's going to take you home. You'll be safe._ He watched as has team ran towards him, like they were playing a game of Marco Polo, and the goal was to find Lance.

Then Keith's hand grabbed Lance's, and Hunk shot down the guards. 

Lance smiled at Keith. _It'll be okay._ Hunk and Keith and Lance ran together, faster and faster to the Green Lion.

And then Lance's leg gave out, and he hit the cold, hard ground.

*  
Lance stumbled out of the pod six days later, an the first thing he noticed was his left leg. It was gone, replaced by Altean tech. His leg was amputated just above he knee, but when he rolled up his shorts, the whip scars were still there on his quads. Coran was the person who caught him, and had quietly explained what had happened to his leg. The beast's wounds on it had gotten so infected that not even the healing pods could help.

So, no leg for Lance.

Coran called the rest of the team, and the infirmary was way overcrowded. Coran forced them to form a line outside the door, but Pidge had shoved Keith and now he was last to see Lance.

Finally, _finally_ Pidge had finished talking with Lance, and she walked to her computer room, mumbling something about Altean memory chips and buttons. Keith entered the infirmary, and sat down on the chair.

"I thought you weren't going to visit." Lance croaked.

"What?" Keith was surprised. He had kind of expected a confession.

"Don't you remember what you said?" Lance whispered lifelessly. "You said 'You always screw up the mission'."

Keith gaped at him. "Lance, no, I was ju-"

"No, Keith, no you weren't." Lance smiled sadly. "I know the truth, Keith."

"The truth?"

"Yeah." Lance's voice dropped an octave. "I know this is a new tactic on the torture. You can't trick me anymore, Colrin. You can't use Keith against me just because I love him. I've gotten used to him hurting me, so it doesn't work." Lance's voice was scratchy. "I played along with the other five, but using Keith doesn't work anymore."

"Lance, no. It's me, Keith. Lance, Lance, I love you too."

"That's the problem, isn't it Colrin?" Lance whispered. "I know that he doesn't love me. I _know_ this is a lie."

"Lance, I swear, I'm not-" Keith pleaded.

Lance's eyes glazed over. "You're just another hallucination." And then Lance twisted, and fell asleep. Keith walked out of the room, and down the hall. The journal had mentioned something that just might work to save Lance from what the Galra put him through.

He entered the command deck. "Allura, set a course for Earth."


	8. Pinky Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ah, the final chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY THIS IS SO LATE
> 
> AND I'M SORRY IN GENERAL ABOUT THIS CHAPTER

Apologetic(adj)

regretfully acknowledging or excusing an offence or failure

Example Sentences:

1. _She was very apologetic about the whole incident, even after Papa forgave her._

2. _He's not an apologetic person._

3. _Keith wished that he could be less apologetic, or more, even, so that Lance would talk to him again._

4. _Growing up with a lot of siblings, Lance could be very apologetic person, but he wouldn't apologize for saving Keith._

Day One  
Allura felt like opening a wormhole all the way to Earth would be too dangerous, so they would fly towards the blue and green planet until it was safe to open up a wormhole. Lance was in his room, not talking to anyone, and Keith was training like a maniac. No one bothered to tell him to take a break, so he trained and he trained and he trained like he was fighting Lance's inner demons away.

The next gladiator held two swords. Level 9? 10? Keith didn't know, he just knew that if he stopped fighting, then his feelings would rush back in and he'd be overwhelmed by grief. The robot swung both the swords, each metal arm with the same talent as the other. Each with the ability to swing and hit with the same deadly accurateness. 

One of the swords grazed Keith's cheek, but he kept on fighting.

The gladiator kicked Keith in the knee next, trying to shove him to the ground, but Keith kept fighting. And just when the blade was about to enter Keith's abdomen, it shut down. Keith looked up at the observation deck, expecting Coran or Shiro to be looking down at him, but it was Lance. Lance, with a slight stubble and a blue blanket wrapped around him. They watched each other for a few seconds, then Lance walked down the stairs and into the white training room.

"I'm pretty sure you're real." Lance said. "Pidge took out the chip. In my neck. It was in my neck, I mean."

"The chip?"

"Haggar put it in. Caused the hallucination, the voice." Lance shrugged, like an evil witch putting a chip into your neck was an everyday thing.

"Sorry." Keith inwardly cringed. It sounded like a fake apology.

"You don't have to apologize." Lance eyed him cautiously. "Why were you sleeping in my room?"

Keith stumbled over his own feet. "I-wh-what?"

"You moved my jacket. Why were you sleeping in my room?" Lance arched his eyebrow.

Keith ran his fingers through his hair. "I missed you, I guess. It's not that big of a deal."

"You missed me?" Lance smiled. 

"Don't make a big deal of it, okay?" Keith pushed past him, to go to his own room, to his own bed. When he looked back, Lance didn't look confused, he looked hurt.

He looked _hurt_ and Keith couldn't deal with anything right now.

*  
Day 2  
Lance came out of his bedroom again, blanket like a cape around his shoulders. Not of food, but seeking someone's company when his own wasn't enough. 

The kitchen was empty, but there were noises coming from the TV room. It wasn't really a TV room, but Hunk had built a television and Coran had moved couches into the small loft. Allura had added a small table, and a few Altean plants that din't need sunlight to grow. They were small like succulents, but colors like yellow and teal. He shuffled into the loft, expecting one or two people but the whole team was there, watching an old Earth movie. _Star Wars._ Shiro and Allura were cuddled together-no surprise there-and Pidge was excitedly explaining the different theories about Luke Skywalker to a nervous Coran. And Keith. . .well, his mop of dark hair was leaning against Hunk's shoulder. Lance felt like he was intruding on something, like he didn't belong here.

Like he would always be the seventh wheel. _Seventh wheel. They don't care about you._ It wasn't the voice, it was Lance's own thoughts.

And he knew that he would always, _always_ be left out. It wasn't a rush of emotion when he realized it, like it would have been a few months ago. It was familiar. And he'd thought they'd at least try to talk to him, _try_ to make amends. But he was wrong, and now they were watching Lance's copy of _Star Wars_ without him. Now, it was obvious that Hunk and Keith had something going on, and that Lance wouldn't be included, no sir, not at all. 

Not at all, because there wasn't room for him on the couch.

Not at all, because no one had thought to invite him to movie night.

Lance cleared his throat. It was an accident, he had meant to quietly leave and go back to his room, but Pidge had already turned to look at poor, _poor_ Lance.

"Oh, hey Lance!" Pidge said. It sounded fake to Lance, and he started-very, very slowly-to the door. He watched as Keith sheepishly pulled away from Hunk. Allura squinted at him.

"Sorry, I'm interrupting." Lance gestured to the television. "I'll-uh go back to my room, then."

"Buddy?" Hunk reached out towards Lance. The concern in his eyes felt fake. It all felt fake."You alright there?"

Lance couldn't hold back the tears anymore. "No," he whispered. "I'm not alright at all." The blanket fell to the ground, and he knew, _he knew_ , that they would see his scars.

And for the first time, he didn't care. For the first time, he let the tears fall. For the first time he ran, actually ran like high-school track team Lance did. It felt good, running. It let out all of the built-up frustration inside him, but once he reached Blue, he was exhausted. He didn't know if she'd let him back in anymore.

He wondered if he was still the Blue paladin.

He wondered if the team would stop with the nice act, and admit that they disliked him. 

He wondered if they would be honest with him, just this once. 

He wondered if the words on his body, the _BURDEN_ over his heart, was true. But why was he questioning it? 

He was the seventh wheel, the weak link. The selfish one, the worthless disappointment. The waste of space, the screw up.

The burden.

"Blue?" Lance whispered. Her jaws opened up without complaint, and Lance huddled in the pilot's chair, not feeling like a pilot, or a paladin, but a boy from Cuba. Nothing special, a nobody. He sensed that Blue's particle shield was going up. Someone must have entered the hangar. 

"Lance? Are you here?" someone called. "Please, buddy, talk to me."

"Hunk?" Lance's voice broke. 

"Yeah, it's me." Blue's sound systems amplified Hunk's voice, making it sound like Hunk was here with him, not on the other side of a particle barrier. "Could you tell Blue to lower her shield so I can come in?"

"Hunk? Hunk, did you find him?" Keith and Shiro raced into the room, just as Lance was about to lower the barrier.

"You guys!" Hunk glared at them. "I just got Lance to open up."

Keith flowered back. "Well,he can open up to us too!"

Shiro placed a calming hand on Keith's shoulder. "Keith, chill out."

"I can't just _chill out_ , Shiro!" Keith protested. "He's-"

"He's what, Keith?" Hunk didn't yell, because he wasn't a person who yelled, but there was fire in his gaze, and Keith gulped. "All you did for the past twenty-two days as mope around and bitch about how Lance sacrificed himself for you, and how you missed him so so much. Well he's here!" Hunk waved madly at the Blue Lion's particle barrier. "Why don't you tell him you love him or do whatever you need to do, Keith, so that I can have my best friend back!"

Keith and Lance alike gaped at Hunk.

"How'd-wha-why-what?" Keith spluttered. He looked up at the Blue Lion, his face red. "I don-"

"Don't lie, Keith! You _literally_ slept in his room." Hunk marched out of the hangar, presumably to find Pidge, Coran or Allura. Shiro quickly followed. It was just Keith and Lance left in the hangar, and Keith stood there in dumbfounded silence for a few moments before Blue's particle barrier lowered and the lion's metal jaws opened.

"Lance?" Keith called.

"You can come in." Lance's reply was faint, and Keith stepped into the Blue Lion. Her presence around him wasn't familiar-he was used to Red's-but she felt angry. Angry at Keith, for hurting her paladin. He felt ashamed, like he had failed Blue.

Lance was sitting in the pilot's chair, knees pulled up towards his chest, face splotchy and red from crying. Keith stood there, not saying anything, because he didn't know how to talk to Lance, not anymore.

"Keith, I'm tired." Lance's voice grew stronger as he spoke. "I'm sick of being in love with someone who won't ever love me back. I understand that you can't love me, Keith, I get it." Lance's voice wavered for a second, and he squeezed his eyes shut. "But that doesn't mean I want to talk to you, Keith." Lance turned to Keith, tears pooling in his eyes. 

"You idiot!" Keith cried. He had begun crying too, and he swiped at a few runaway tears. "I love you, Lance McClain, I promise."

"This isn't a hallucination?" Lance whispered.

"No, Lance, this isn't a hallucination." Keith moved closer and cupped Lance's face in his hand softly.

"You're sure?"

"Pinky promise."

Lance took Keith's hand then, and stood up. They embraced in a long hug, both boys unwilling to let go. Eventually, Lance pulled away, and began tugging off his shirt. Keith could see his scars, little ones and long ones and ones that formed words against Lance's warm skin. Keith bristled, wanting to _kill_ whoever had done this to his beautiful Lance. Around Keith, Blue's presence became less guarded and more loving. It made Keith smile, to think that Blue finally trusted him to take care of her paladin. 

"You can touch," Lance murmured.

"You sure? I don't want to-"

"You won't hurt me, Keith." Lance leaned in closer to Keith and grinned. "Remember, I'm in love with you, so you've got the a-okay."

"Smooth, sharpshooter." Keith let his eyes travel over Lance's chest. He traced a long scar going across his lover's chest. "You're beautiful, you know that?"

"Even with all of these?"

"It's not an _even with_ kind of thing. The scars are a part of you now, like the prosthetic. I think that they make me love you even more."

Lance's eyebrows furrowed. "But they're just a reminder."

"Yeah, a reminder of your survival." Keith ran his fingers over _SEVENTH WHEEL_. The letters turned upward, following the path of Lance's ribs. Lance shuddered. "Too much?" Keith asked.

Lance shook his head. "Kiss me?"

And Keith did. It started off slow, and Keith didn't want to push Lance into anything he didn't want to do. It was Lance who took things further. He moved his tongue into Keith's mouth, and made Keith gasp something his abuela would frown at.

It was Lance who made Keith beg and scream and plead.

It was Lance who put Keith back together again after, with sweet, peppery kisses and cuddles.

It was Keith who didn't want to let go.

*  
Day 3-Morning  
They were cuddling when it happened. The nightmare. It started around one am, and Lance began thrashing around. Keith was jostled awake, and he tried to get his bearings-where is Lance? here he is, he's okay, he's okay-when a fist connected with his jaw.

"Lance? Lance!" Keith held down Lance's wrists, but he kept fighting him. Fighting Keith.

"Por favor, don't hurt me. Por favor, por favor, por favor." Lance was beginning to cry, his screams echoing in the room. 

"Lance, it's just me." Keith loosened his grip on Lance's wrists. He would feel the scars on Lance's arms. 

"Where am I?" Lance's gaze was wide and unfocused. 

"You're on the Castle of Lions." Keith began running his fingers through Lance's hair. "Earlier, we decided to sleep in my room, remember?" Keith waited for Lance to nod before he continued talking. Lance placed his head on Keith's shoulder. "We're on our way to Earth, so that you can see your family." And so that Keith can insure that none of this happens. 

"What about your family?" Lance asked. "Can we see them too?"

Keith didn't speak for a few moments. "I, uh, don't really have a family right now," he admitted. 

Lance snuggled closer. "That's alright, I'll be your family. Besides, my mama will probably adopt you the second she meets you."

"Tell me about your family." Keith adjusted so that they weren't sitting up on the bed anymore, but lying side by side, Lance's head resting on the crook of Keith's shoulder.

"I have a really big family," Lance started. "There's my parents, then Lira and Eddie, the twins. Next is Charlie, then me, Juliana, Anthony, Allie and Clair," Lance grinned. "Juliana's real smart. She wants to be a brain surgeon. Before we left, Charlie was just opening up a doggy daycare, and Anthony was just starting high school. He's a really good swimmer. He went 49 seconds on his 100 free. My mom's convinced that he'll be in the Olympics. I'm closest with my big brother, Charlie. He's great, you'd like him." Lance began yawning then, and when Keith looked down at him, his eyes were shut and Lance had started snoring.

"I love you," Keith whispered. Lance's arms tightened around him, and somehow, Keith knew that Lance loved him too.

*  
Day 3-Afternoon  
Allura opened up a wormhole after lunch. It was always a jarring experience, going though a wormhole, but today, Lance has a handsome boy clutching onto his hand. His attraction towards Keith at the Garrison had started like a fire-small at first and then become a raging inferno inside his chest. Having Keith with him only fueled the flames. 

The princess piloted the ship through the wormhole, and Lance's stomach churned. The food goo-that had tasted like fish tacos, thank you Hunk-threatened to come back up, but Lance just gripped Keith's hand tighter and refused to let go. The ship bounced around, until it came out safe and sound on the other side of the wormhole. Lance let out a sigh of relief. 

Keith stood up first, and then helped Lance up. Lance just wasn't confident using his prosthetic leg yet, but once he saw Earth, all worries were forgotten. Lance rushed to the command deck window, and pressed his face against the glass. There was Earth, in all it's glory. It looked close enough to touch.

"Since Pidge has managed to make the ship invisable, I think it will be safe if we land in a secluded location and take the Green or Blue Lion to New Mexico." Allura waved her hands as she talked. "Do any of you know a good place to hide-"

"Easy," Hunk interrupted. "We can hid the ship in a mountain range. If it's winter-which by my calculations, it is-then no one will be hiking in the snow. It's perfect."

Allura and Coran agreed, and the paladins got dressed in their regular clothes. Hunk and Lance helped the Alteans choose clothing that closely resembled human clothing, and they began descending towards the Appalachian Mountains. 

Lance was eager to get going once they landed. Allura put the castle on do not disturb mode-it was called something else, but Lance had zoned out five minutes into her speech about it-and Coran checked all of the castle's defense systems before they could get going.

They ended up taking the Blue Lion, which Pidge had given invisibility, just like Green had. The team flew across America in their cat-robot, and not one person noticed. Lance flew Blue through a cloud, just for kicks. He had always wanted to know what a cloud felt like. After a few hours, Lance began descending, and they flew closer to the ground. If Keith had been flying, they would have nosedived, but Lance wanted to be safe. 

He landed Blue in the cow pond. It was big enough for her to stand in, ever since his dad had expanded it so that the children could go swimming. Patches of snow littered the ground, but not so much for a decent snowman or a snowball fight. Lance and Charlie had tried. Many, many times.

Lance led his friends to the farmhouse. It was a bigger walk than Lance remembered, but he hadn't been home for what, half a year? They walked on, and Pidge pointed out the cows to Allura and Coran. 

"A Kaltenecker!" Coran exclaimed. 

"No, a cow." Pidge adjusted her glasses. 

A cat, so gray that it was almost blue, ran across Lance's feet. "Hey Blue!" Lance bent down and scooped it up, letting go of Keith's hand in the process. "This is Blue, our farmcat." Allura reached out her hand tentatively, and Blue nuzzled the princess, purring. Lance gently set the cat down, and it ran off in the short grass. 

They walked on, until Lance was struggling to get up the stairs. "Damn leg," he huffed.

"Babe, I got you," Keith assured him as he took his hand.

"Could you guys wait at the bottom of the stairs?" Lance asked. They all nodded, and yet again, Keith let go of Lance's hand.

Lance knocked on the door hesitantly. He could hear his family moving around in the big farmhouse, and if he strained his ears, he could hear Juliana stepping on the creaky step of the stairs.

"Mom, the door!" Someone yelled-it sounded like Clair. She was probably spread out on the couch.

"Dios, Clair, you're so lazy," someone else chided her.

"It's Christmas Eve, I do what I want!" Clair's voice echoed in the big house.

"One second!" Rosa called to the door, and she hurried to separate her fighting children. Clair and Allie, arguing again. She rushed back to the door.

"Markos, did you forget your key again? I swear, I'll have to start gluing them to your-" Rosa gasped as she realized who was standing in her doorway.

Lance. 

"Hey, Mama." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"LANCE MCCLAIN, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!" Rosa shouted. "You scared me to death, chico!"

"Mama, did you say Lance?" 

"LANCE?!"

Voices echoed throughout the halls of the McClain farmhouse. Everyone was talking over each other, and Juliana and Clair fought their way to the door.

"Did she say Lance?"

"Is it really Lance?"

"Mama, this isn't a funny joke. I understand that I was being lazy, but Lira already-" Clair's eyes widened as she saw her big brother in the doorway. She was older, much older than the ten-year-old Lance remembered. Rosa and Clair hugged him as tightly as they could.

"Hey, kiddo." Lance ruffled Clair's hair.

"Don't you dare do that again, Lance," Clair grumbled, but she hugged him closer and he knew he was forgiven.

Rosa and Clair eventually let go of Lance, and he grinned sheepishly at them. "So, Mama, how's it-" Lance began, but then the rest of his siblings arrived.

"Lance!" Juliana flung herself into her big brothers arms. "We were worried sick about you, estúpido! Three years, Lance! Three fucking years!" As Juliana sobbed, Lance was dumbfounded. Had it really been three years?

"Language, Juliana," Rosa scolded. 

"Mama!" Juliana protested. "Last night at dinner, Alejandra said 'fuck', and you didn't chastise her!"

"I must have not been listening." Rosa crossed her arms.

"You were listening, Mama!" Juliana shook her finger in her mother's face. "I remember, because I was there!"

"Hush, niño," Rosa scolded. "Clair, got get your brothers and Papa." Rosa shooed her away and Clair ran off towards one of the fields. 

"Mijo, who are your friends?" Rosa asked. She gestured to the paladins and the Alteans. 

"This is Shiro, Allura, Pidge, Coran, Hunk-you know Hunk, Mama-and this is my, my boyfriend, Keith." 

"Boyfriend?" Juliana shrieked. "You come back after three years with a boyfriend?!"

Allie ran down the stairs then, half a face mask on. "Who's got a boyfriend?"

"Lance does!" 

"Lance is here? You were serious, Mama? I thought you were messing with Clair!"

"You come down from your room because someone might have a boyfriend, but not at the mention of your dead brother's name, Alejandra?" Rosa shook her fingers at her daughters.

"It's Allie, Mama!" Allie protested. 

"It's Allie, Mama!" Juliana mocked. 

"Don't get me started with you!" Allie growled, and she started running towards Juliana. 

"Girls!" Rosa struggled to hold Juliana back. "Lance, could you get-"

"On it, Mama," Lance said, and he grabbed onto Allie's waist. For such a skinny guy, he was surprisingly strong. Allie struggled, and she suddenly broke free, and Lance fell down. 

"Lance!" Keith rushed up the stairs. "You alright, babe?"

"This damn lag," Lance huffed. Keith bent down so that they were nearly nose to nose. "I'm alright, love."

"He's cute," Allie whispered to Juliana, rivalry forgotten. 

"Let's go inside," Rosa said. "And Hunk, your mother is worried sick about you. They went to Samoa, but I'll tell her that you're home."

Hunk grinned.

*  
Rosa's kitchen was messy, but not with dishes, with kid's report cards and pictures. Someone's sketchbook was lying open She had convinced Keith and Lance to help with making Christmas Eve dinner, but it was mainly Keith cooking and Lance dancing to Shakira. Keith started on the pies. Lance wanted to make apple, _and_ pumpkin, _and_ strawberry rhubarb. It was too many pies and not enough time. 

Lance danced and swayed around the kitchen, wiggling his hips to the beat. 

"Come on Keith, dance with me." Lance grabbed Keith's hand. 

"Pies, Lance," Keith whined. "I can't dance when I'm holding a knife, can I?"

"Listen, mullet," Lance grinned. "You can dance, you weirdo."

Keith grinned back, and he recognized the look on Lance's face. His home smile, the smile Keith had dreams about. It looked a lot like love, and it made Keith not want to let go. Not want to leave Earth. Stay here with Lance and his sisters, settle down, buy a farm, for God's sake. But he also knew that he was somewhat doing the right thing, by making sure that none of this happened. By using Blue's quintessence to go back twenty days and make sure that _BURDEN_ wasn't carved over Lance's heart. 

Make sure that none of this happened. 

Keith smiled back and began cutting up apples.

*

Day 4

If Keith thought that Christmas Eve dinner was good, then the French Toast Rosa made the next morning was phenomenal. 

Everyone around the table was laughing or sharing gifts. Allie gave Lance a homemade face mask, and Keith got sunflowers. Allie said that she had picked them this morning.

"Lance, what did you get Keith?" Lira asked. 

Lance gestured to himself. "My body is a gift." 

"Dios, Lance," Anthony groaned. "TMI."

Hunk-besides Lance-was the only one out of their team that knew the McClain family, but the others were adapting quickly. Allura and Lira were talking about Altean customs, and Pidge was excitedly talking about space to Shiro and Anthony. 

Blue, the farmcat, ran into the house. Her paws were all muddy, and Rosa shook her finger at the old cat. 

"Hey, Blue," Lance cooed. Blue purred and nuzzled his fingers.

As Keith observed his boyfriend, he came to three realizations. One: his family was everything to him. Two: if Keith didn't decide to go through with his plan, Lance would slowly break. Three: he didn't want to leave Lance.

He didn't want to leave, he wanted to hold on with all his might, not let go. But after the torture, Lance was a puzzle with missing pieces. Some things were full and complete, like Lance's jokes and smiles, but there were obvious gaps in the puzzle. Whatever the Galra had done to him, it had shattered him so much that no one could fix it. Kith could place his hands over the gaps and wish them together, but that wasn't how it worked. There's no way to replace something original. You can shop online for the closest thing to it, and maybe it's got the same features and characteristics as your Lance, but he won't be yours fully. You listen to him repeat _I love you I love you I love you_ , and you break. It's the way things are sometimes. Not even all the king's horses and all the king's men could put Lance back together again. 

So it was up to Keith to make sure it didn't happen. It was up to Keith to fight for Lance, to make sure he didn't break in the first place.

He pinky promised that everything would be okay, that this reality wasn't a hallucination.

*  
Day 5-Early Morning

Keith din't anticipate the rain. It felt cold enough to snow, but 39 degrees wasn't 32. It stung his skin, the almost-snow. In the desert, there wasn't much rain to compare this too.

The walk to the Blue Lion seemed farther in the harsh rain. The journal was stuffed in between his jacket and his tee. Blue, the cat, walked beside him. When he had left his bed, around twenty minutes ago, she sleepily followed him. 

The letter he had left for Lance was in there too. The journal had explained that what the paladins wrote in it wasn't affected by time travel, but the location was. Once Keith went back 21 days, it would return to Lance's bedroom. The Blue Lion rose out of the water. Blue, the cat, and Blue, the flying car robot, touched noses. Words started forming on the journal's pages.

_Are you ready?_

As ready as I'll ever be.

_Red Paladin, are you sure that you want to go through with this?_

Defiantly.

_You're going to black out for this part._

What pa-. But as Keith was writing, the farm began to sway and he fell to the ground.

*  
Nearly 21 Days Ago

When the Galra trapped him in their bubble-prison, Keith welcomed it like an old friend. He faintly saw Red circling around it like a mother hen protecting her chick, and then Blue flew towards the ground. After a few seconds, Lance's hand began to reach through the bubble. Keith pulled him in.

"Lance, what are you doing here?" Keith asked.

"Keith, you need to hurry," Lance begged. The boy looked around, watching as the dome began materializing around them. He was so beautiful. He was always beautiful, but Keith always thought that he was prettiest during battle.

"I left you a letter. It's in the paladin journal," Keith said, just as he shoved Lance out of the bubble. Around a minute later, he fell into Galra soldiers waiting arms. They dragged him down the hallways and into a cell.

"Have fun, pretty boy," a guard sneered as he locked the door. Keith was relieved, to be honest.

Now, Lance wasn't all scars and sadness. Now, he would be okay.

Now, Lance wouldn't have to question if things were a hallucination or if Keith was actually real. 

Now, Lance wouldn't have _BURDEN_ carved over his heart.

*  
Lance's hands shook as he tore off his armor. They shook as he stood in the showers, far too long for it to be comfortable. His hands shook as he dried himself off, and as he put on his clothes. They shook all throughout dinner, too, even though no one ate. He didn't put on a face mask, or do anything he would do on a regular night. None of the regular routine. He was too shaky, too nervous, too mad at himself that Keith had saved him instead of it being the other way around. They didn't need Lance on the team, the needed Keith. His hands shook as he opened up his journal, and as he read over the letter that Keith left him.

_Dear Lance,_

_I've never had time to write someone a love letter before. Is this a love letter, though? I feel like it's more of a good-bye. A farewell, an adieu, a bon voyage. I'm rambling, aren't I? Only a little bit, though. I know that this must be very confusing, how I found your journal, blah, blah, blah. Well, it was originally you who was captured. You probably don't believe me right now, but it's true. To prove this too you, here are some things I've picked up about you that no one else(except for maybe Hunk) knows:_

_1.You're fluent in Spanish._

_2.You're closest with Charlie._

_3.You like being the little spoon._

_4.You like to dance to Shakira._

_5.You love me._

_I know, right? Is Keith stalking me? No, I'm not, because these are things that couples tell each other, or one boyfriend picks up on it. And now, you're probably like, woah, how does Keith know I love him? I know, because you told me. And don't worry, I said it back. I said it back, because I, Keith Kogane, am in love with you. Not a puppy love, but a real love, the kind of love that is so rare that you do not want to let go._

_But I let go to save you. What they did to you, it broke my heart and then smashed yours into a million pieces. You are many things, Lance McClain, but you are not good at covering up your feelings._

_You see, this is like a pinky promise. My promise to you, Lance, was that me and you weren't a hallucination. That what we had was real, that I loved you._

_But now, you have to pinky promise me something. Promise me that if you manage to find me, you'll say "I love you" right away. Promise that if we go spend Christmas with your family again, you won't do this(also, your family really misses you, it's been three years on this ship). You won't travel through time, because I'll remember, probably. I'm not really sure how time travel works, exactly, but I'm pretty sure I'll remember. And I might kick your ass over it, because last time, you got away with only a leg missing. Next time, they'll kill you._

_Please remember that I had a reason for doing this, Lance. You must hate me by now. We were together, like together together, if you know what I mean, but I just tore that away from us. But they tortured you, and carved words into your skin, and I couldn't look you in the eyes without seeing what happened. Not that your scars didn't make you less, if anything they made you more._

_So here's to the half love-letter, half good-bye. I hope that after all this, we can still be together, Lance. I really do._

_I love you,  
Keith Kogane_

Lance's hands shook as he dropped the journal. They shook as he let the tears fall. They shook as he wiped at his eyes, and he swore to himself that he would do everything he could to save Keith.

FIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> por favor=please  
> chico=boy  
> dios=god  
> estúpido=stupid  
> niño=child  
> mijo=son
> 
> i'm conSIDERING A SEQUEL WHAT DO Y'ALL THINK


End file.
